Breaking Amnesia
by BirdsHaveTeeth
Summary: Memory loss can destroy a person. When a stray Kai, Talia wakes up half-beaten to death and cursed with painful flashbacks, she finds she may not want to remember... Shin is still adjusting to his new position, grieving the loss of his fellow Kais after Majin Buu's rampage. Shin finds a friend in an unlikely place who understands his pain, but can they ever truly heal? Shin/Oc
1. Chapter 1 (Quiet)

**Side-note: This story has been (is being) re-written since the older version just wasn't holding up quality-wise and the plot went in circles. Each chapter will be updated as they're re-written. Hopefully, this new version is better!**

 **. . .**

The mundane echo of an explosion ripples through the halls of the temple, the sound causing the entire surface of the floating planet to vibrate in its intensity. Whis and the Oracle Fish look up from their close game of celestial chess at the familiar sound.

"My, is it really that time already?" The angel inquires, summoning his staff as well as rising from his seat to make his way towards the distant structure where a god laid asleep. Not for much longer, Whis absentmindedly reminds himself.

"I thought it'd be today." The Seer surmises as they float alongside the tall attendant, the water in his glass bowl sloshing around as it moves from side to side. "You think he'll wake easily this time?"

Whis only chuckles.

"If I'd expected him to wake easily we wouldn't need the hourglasses, it's a matter of what mood he wakes that I worry for."

The angel climbs the long spiral of stairs, humming quietly to himself as the walls and stone beneath his shoes continue to shake and tremble. He knows this temple by the smallest square inch, he could go about his day blindfolded if he so chose, and even if teleporting seemed more practical it was quite unnecessary. Whis throws open the doors and waltzes in without a care, dust still clouding the air around the room as he strides deeper through it. He can just barely make out the outline of the deity sitting upright, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with his fists like a child.

Clearing his throat, the angel pipes up and repeats an all too familiar phrase, not bothering to mind his volume in case Beerus happened to fall asleep sitting up.

"Rise and shine, my lord!"

Beerus jolts, having dozed off just a moment before and releases a groggy-sounding grunt of acknowledgment. He rose from his bed and descended to the floor; scratching a spot behind his ear and cracking his back. As soon as his bare feet touched the ground he was already making his way to the bathroom and tossing a balled-up nightgown in Whis's direction.

"Are you certain this is the right year, Whis? I've barely blinked and I'm already tired again." Beerus yawns.

"I could wake you after a century and you'd still say that. You're only groggy now because you slept so long." Whis catches the flying garment and whisks it away to the laundry without batting an eye, but the annoyance clearly slips through his features at the destroyer's standoffish behavior. He hadn't even received so much as a glance in his direction. Pushing those thoughts aside, the angel strolls into the bathroom to fill him in on today's plans.

Neither were phased by the fact that Beerus was bare and submerged in soapy water, the angel had been watching over him since he only reached his waist. That, and the destroyer used to run around the temple naked to evade all attempts to be bathed in his younger years. The purple cat pokes his head out of the water, noticing Whis's intrusion of his privacy.

"What?" Beerus demands, his voice void of all enthusiasm and full of impatience as the angel frowns.

"I do hope you remember the meeting you have today, my lord?"

Beerus grimaces, humming to himself in thought as his still half-asleep brain flips through the files of his reservations. He huffs, not at all pleased by the ides of attending a meeting so soon after rising, he just hopes it's not one of those dreadfully long ones with those incompetent—

Something clicks, and Beerus's mood sours drastically harsher as he realizes that it's precisely what he had hoped wasn't today.

"Right, right… A coordination meeting with the Supreme Kais if I'm not mistaken?" Beerus questions, his long ears flopping down flat on either side of his face, sinking dramatically into the bathwater to exaggerate his distress. _Woe is me._

"Indeed, It has been a whole century after all." Whis nods, appearing almost sympathetic—even if he knows the destroyer likely can't see him. Though he isn't too conflicted about it, it gets boring sitting around for years on end as the deity slept the decades away, leaving his poor beloved attendant all alo~ne.

"What a killjoy, I was almost in a good mood too." The destroyer god huffs and hops out of the settling pool, the movement sending disturbed ripples across the surface and some to splash over the side, narrowly missing Whis's shoes. Whis only rolls his eyes, stepping away from the expanding puddle with a grimace of disgust.

One of the things Beerus enjoyed the least about his job was having to suffer through long, roundabout meetings with those higher-than-thou Supreme Kais he had the misfortune of being life-linked to. Conversating over trivial things such as restrictions, lists, and numbers, bah! Of course, as a destroyer, he had the ultimate power to eliminate whatever he wished—whether those choices be out of necessity or boredom—often straying beyond the list and ideas of his counterparts.

"Please do bide your time, my lord, unless you'd like to leave on an empty stomach?" Whis muses, prompting an increase in Beerus's haste.

. . .

It was absolutely liberating to finally feast on such delicious food again, though perhaps he was biased after a century of only sardines during his slumber—which in fact he never remembers eating, a curious thought indeed. The thought springs a question to his mind and propels his next order through his sharp teeth.

"Say, Whis?" The destroyer calls out of the blue, hearing a shuffle and a brief gust of winds before his attendant appears behind him.

"Yes, my lord?" Whis's reply comes almost instantaneously, despite the angel having been in an entirely different room just moments before.

"Did anything interesting happen while I was asleep?" Beerus asks suspiciously, licking his lips clean of dessert as he leans back into his floating chair, feet propped up on the table.

The angel chuckles, summoning his staff in preparation for an already predicted explanation of this very subject.

"If by interesting you also mean detrimental to your health, then yes, indeed."

Beerus's ear twitches as he turns away from grooming himself to shift his rarely undivided attention to the much-too-smug angel. Now he was definitely curious—if not a little worried—what was that supposed to entail?

"What do you mean 'detrimental to my health'? Has something happened?" Beerus hisses, eyes narrowed tightly, fist still hovering above his nose as he peered at Whis.

Whis only nods with a cool smile, his cheery expression vague, revealing nothing helpful to ease the deity before him. The destroyer clicks his tongue and crosses his arms, the annoyance radiating from his form.

"Alright, cut the crap, what happened while I was out?" Beerus demands.

Whis smirks, tapping his staff on the floor once, twice before it glowed bright green. He did love toying with the overgrown cat, how else would he entertain himself? The destroyer took such long naps that it got boring doing the housework and maintaining the vegetation outside. His only other form of companionship was the Oracle Fish, and while his presence in their games of celestial chess or other divine table-top time-passers was appreciated, even that got old after so long.

"Alright, I give, my lord," Whis surrenders, allowing the light of his staff to dim, a delay for the inevitable purpose it'd serve. "I suppose I should start out by informing you that four of the five Supreme Kais have been destroyed, concluding the existence of only one from now on—"

"What!?" Beerus spits out his sparkling water, eyes bulging as he propels himself onto the back of the chair, almost tipping it all the way back in the process. "You mean to tell me I was one measly Kai away from death and you didn't bother to intervene!?"

Whis frowns at the accusation, the disapproval creasing between his snowy-white brows and twisting his mouth to one side. He was used to having the blame pinned on himself, especially from the destroyer, but that didn't mean he had to tolerate it.

"With all due respect, _my lord_ , while it _is_ my duty to watch over you, it is _not_ my responsibility to meddle with the affairs of the Supreme Kais," Whis counters, his tone calm with that edge of restrained irritation, even angels had a tongue to bite down on sometimes. "At least not without receiving _direct orders_ from you to do so."

"Oh, that's a bunch of shit, Whis! You could've at least had the presence of mind to wake me when my life is in jeopardy—!" Beerus barks back, claws piercing the back of the chair, and the tiny hairs on his neck ruffling up.

"You gave me direct orders not to wake you," Whis interjects before Beerus could continue.

The angel's emotional detachment from the whole matter is possibly the most frustrating part of all this! _He acts as if he can't think for his own self!_ But what can be argued with an angel who couldn't care any less about his or her own destroyer's… well… destruction.

"Before you go naming names, I did suggest you take care of Majin Buu beforehand," Whis starts, walking to stand on one side of the destroyer, who whips the hovering chair to face forward. "And, of course, you brushed off my warnings, what did we learn?"

Lord Beerus scowls, swearing to himself that his loathing for his attendant only grows with the years that pass, especially when he made valid points. Stupid logical sense! He was right, he'd brushed the alien monstrosity off, assuming his destructive path would soon die out and fade, leaving the destroyer with less work to do. But, of course, it was coming back to bite him in the ass.

"So that pink shit caused this, huh?" He pondered, the spike that eating had arisen in his mood dropping back into the miserable pit of his stomach, full or not.

Whis nods, his staff flashing brightly once more to replay the events of Majin Buu's rampage, the worrisome demise of the Supreme Kaioshins, and how despite their best efforts, the way their power paled in comparison to the monster Bibidi had created. Beerus was surprised to find the smallest one, previous in charge of the eastern quadrant, was the one to survive the fall. Even if only for the Grand Supreme Kais intervention, he had to give the kid props for not only taking over the position of Supreme Kai so quickly but also being the one to annihilate the cruel wizard to blame for his colleagues' deaths.

Interesting indeed.

"Well, well, well, that's something you don't see very dynasty ay, Whis?"

That had to be the first time he'd seen a Kai kill. It was completely against their oh-so-godly morals, and to be honest, he was sort of impressed. The East Supreme Kai was always such a meek and small fellow after all, who'd of guessed he'd be capable?

"How long ago was this?" Beerus queries, pondering his last living life-link.

Whis thinks for a moment, trying to recall the year. Or at least roughly he supposed, he's been alive so long that some years—and entire eras—merged into one another.

"I'd say two or so decades ago, give or take a year." Whis's staff blips and reminds them both of the time.

"This ought to be an interesting visit then," Beerus smirks, having tossed aside his anger for now. His mood swings were an enigma to the angel even to this day. "Let's not waste any more time."

. . .

The tranquil atmosphere of The Sacred World of the Kais hasn't changed. Everything was as peaceful and full of unique life as it always had been. And yet, it felt so drastically different to Shin now, no, it wasn't the same at all.

The only sound that reaches his pointed ears is the ambiance of wind bristling through the tree's branches above him, and the rustle of the grass as it dances under the light breeze. He used to like the quiet, the times way back when he would lie beneath the shade, nose-deep in a book, undisturbed and alone. He'd always been the timidest of the five Kais. He cherished the moments he could bask in solitude and silence, the free time he used to have so little of. But now it was… different.

It wasn't peaceful anymore, it was desolate. It wasn't just quiet anymore, it was chillingly empty, void of the calming voices of his former friends. Reading wasn't the same—no one to interrupt, even relaxing with a cup of his favorite tea wasn't the same. He wasn't just alone now, he was lonely.

He never used to feel like this. Maybe it was because back then, it was his choice to isolate himself, it was of his own volition that he would find himself alone with no one to bug him. Now he didn't have a choice, he'd be alone full-time, left alone with nothing but to think about how he took the company of his friends for granted.

Shin stared blankly at the crystal ball before him, legs crossed and hands folded in his lap. He could use his highly-enhanced vision to oversee the planets he created, but he'd picked up the habit of using this chunk of glass most of the time like Daikaioh used to. Could one blame him though? After all, Daikaioh was his teacher, the one he had looked up to far more than any other. It's become easier to forget his pain, now that his new position called for constant maintenance and observation.

Things got much easier on his shoulders after his servant, Kibito showed up from the great blue one day, claiming to have been sent by the Grand Kai to help share the weight of being the sole Supreme Kai. Shin doesn't doubt his abilities as he once did before ascending to this supreme role, but he was very aware of the fact that he would have never made so much progress without the stoic Kai's help and emotional support. Granted, he was a Kai of few words, but it was a nice change from being entirely alone like before.

Sleep has become a lost cause for him now, something so simple and conceptually small has evolved into an irrational fear of unconsciousness. His dreams are stricken with vivid nightmares of his friends' deaths, memories of the monster he had left sealed away on a faraway planet somewhere in the solar system he created. When he did sleep—or rather passed out from exhaustion, stress or both—it was only for short periods of time, punctuated by bad dreams and anxiety. He's worked himself half-to-death for years, using his duties to distract himself from his loneliness and guilt, and even when his resolve threatened to crumble under the pressure, he refused to shatter to the ground along with it.

He lost a lot. His friends, his confidence, the true fight against Majin Buu… He won the battle but lost the war in every sense of the phrase, and that trauma still lingers high over his head like bells. Sometimes he can even still hear them ringing.

Shin was morbidly aware that the coordination meeting with the God of Destruction was fast approaching, and he'd have to make some serious haste to achieve a third of the progress accomplished previously by five Kais, with only the power of one.

That was the thing about Universe Seven, with such a powerful destroyer and such a low mortal count, multiple Kais had been needed to share the workload. It's easier with Kibito around, but the older Kai can only help so much, only the Supreme Kai's had the authority to participate in the creation of worlds. And not abiding by these rules are punishable by erasure and the immediate replacement of a more formidable Kaioshin.

The small Kai already had to discuss resignation and replacement matters with the Grand Priest after the deaths of his associates, as well as renew cooperation vows as a sole life-link to his destroyer god. Why in the omniverse Lord Beerus wasn't required to attend was beyond his comprehension.

Shin would also have to prepare himself to start filling in the gaps of the old planets scheduled to be destroyed with new ones. This was going to be exceedingly difficult work without proper resting periods, and prior experience with celestial creation as a one-man job, both of which he had little of.

He kept a watchful eye over the planet, Earth, almost ready for Majin Buu to miraculously escape. This feat clung tightly to him, unironically fueling him to stay awake, something else that was becoming ever the more difficult.

He only wished to be able to stay conscious when Lord Beerus came.

. . .

 ** _Ending A/N: I have some headcanons that may conflict with canon elements in the series, and I'm writing from my personal perception of the show._**


	2. Chapter 2 (Tense Meetings)

"You look like you haven't slept in a decade," Beerus confessed, noting how utterly exhausted the short Kai looked. The tiny deity looked like he wanted to get this meeting over and done with even more than he did.

"You aren't very far off in your assumption," Shin replies just trying to stay focused on walking and talking while still minding his manners around the destroyer he hasn't seen in a century. Sleep-deprivation made multitasking harder.

Beerus quirked an eyebrow in his direction, giving him a strange look, and then one of intrigue. Though he could be misreading him. Shin could hear his thoughts of course, but they sounded distant and muffled in his lagging state. Apparently that was not what he should have said.

"And for what purpose does putting off your rest serve?" The other deity inquires, though the lavender-skinned Kai couldn't really tell if he was genuinely concerned or simply irritated with him.

 _Unwise._ He hears Beerus think to himself.

"I never said I thought it a wise decision, Lord Beerus. Believe me, I'd sleep for centuries like you if I could." The Supreme Kai replies, forgetting to mask the fact that he's deciphered the destroyer's thoughts. It's also untrue, he isn't irresponsible enough to sleep centuries away like seconds while he could be working on improving his universe.

"What's stopping you? Surely you've adjusted over the last twenty years, considering the work you've accomplished."

Shin was silent, making sure to choose his next words carefully. It wasn't that he feared for his life around Beerus, they were life-linked after all. If he were being completely honest, the closer he was to the destroyer the safer he was. It was the damage he could cause if his temper was tampered with. The small Kai still remembers that one time when Nishi had gotten into a shouting match with Lord Beerus over something he couldn't recall, and in his rage, he almost wiped out half a quadrant.

Thank Zeno, Whis knocked him out cold before any further damage could be done, but the aftermath left the Kais with half of a region to restore. That was enough of a warning for him. It left West pretty shaken up too, luckily Beerus hadn't even remembered the whole ordeal the next time he came. In fact, it's likely his attendant had meddled with his memory, or he was just that forgetful.

Shin hadn't realized he'd gotten so far up into his head until he was lightly flicked on the forehead. He flushed heavily, shaking off those memories like an old sore. He flashed the destroyer an apologetic glance and cleared his throat.

"Forgive me, I was lost in thought… would you mind repeating what you said?"

Beerus glared down at him dangerously, narrowing his black-lined eyes at the poor Kai who looked straight back up at him. Though his face was miles away from fearsome, he dared to continue to hold eye-contact. Beerus's features softened slightly, amused. No matter how meek and small this Kai has always been, he had to admire this midget's guts.

In his tiredness, Shin allowed his own eyes to narrow, a scowl replacing his nervous smile. _I'm not a midget._ Beerus only grins at the shift in demeanor.

"I said, what's stopping you from getting a good year or two in? You're the Supreme Kai now, you can do what you please." Beerus repeats, tails flicking behind him.

Shin bit the inside of his cheek, something he did when he was nervous. It would feel odd to tell the destroyer the in-depth and personal reason why he couldn't sleep, and he was positive the last thing Beerus wanted was to listen to his problems. _But..._ He sighed, he had to say something.

"You don't have the patience for the full story, so I won't bore you with it, but in my current state of stress, I am incapable of sleeping well," The Kai sighs, sounding a bit more emboldened than he might have been had he been more awake. "I can manage a few hours at best."

The lavender-skinned shin-jin looked up and over to Beerus to see if he was even listening, and to his surprise, he was. The destroyer god didn't say anything in response, just looked ahead but Shin could tell he was thinking of something.

"Well, that's not my problem. Try harder, I won't tolerate a cranky Kai to discuss important matters with, and until you have properly rested, we will postpone this meeting."

Shin comes to an abrupt stop and spins around to face the destroyer, verbally protesting the idea but Beerus ignores him, continuing to walk ahead of him and towards their tea-partying attendants.

"I assure you that is not necessary—!" Beerus rose his hand to silence him, he had his mind made up and that was final.

"Get your shit together, and then we'll talk business." Beerus ends the conversation there, and the two arrive in the clearing where their servants are seated at a tea-table.

"C'mon, Whis, let's go home."

The angel gives him a skeptical look, clearly doubting that a coordination meeting could've been wrapped up so quickly. Whis sets down his cup of tea on the circular table where he sat across from Kibito, who appeared none-the-wiser having never participated in an event like this. He did see the defeated look on his master's face though, something wasn't quite right here.

"That was awfully quick, my lord, do you honestly expect me to believe you discussed a century of changes and the next set of planets in under thirty minutes?" Whis pries and the destruction god crosses his arms over his chest, shooting the Supreme Kai an accusatory glance before addressing his displeased martial arts teacher.

"We are done here, I'll return to finish our meeting once he's been properly rested and can keep up with me." His tone of voice did not hide how pissed off he was, and the fact that this trip would be a waste of time irked him even more.

Whis sighed dejectedly, disappointed that they'd have to leave so soon. It was certainly a soothing place the Kai's resided in, and the tea was always to die for. He'd definitely have to visit this place again during the destroyer's next slumber. And it'd give him something other to do than tidy up around the temple or play chess with The Seer. And celestial chess with the Oracle Fish was always a lost cause, it was as if he always knew what his next move—oh… _oh, that little shit!_ Whis lost track of what he was supposed to be doing while thinking of all the ways he would get back at that cheating, no-good, two-timing, sniveling, scheming son of a goldfi—

"Whis!" Beerus shouted for the one-thousandth time, finally capturing his attendant's attention. The angel peered down at the overgrown, purple cat, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, forgive me, did you say something, my lord?"

Beerus massaged his temples trying to ease the migraine this whole visit has prompted. He's had his fair share of near-death experiences, sleep-deprived Kais, and absent-minded angels for one day. The destroyer god sighed and turned to face the deflated Kaioshin and his closely hovering bodyguard as Whis rose from his seat to stand next to him. Beerus said one last thing before taking his leave.

"I'll return in about a week to finish our meeting, get some rest in the meantime. Make sure you are prepared next time, I won't take the next slip-up so leniently."

Beerus placed a hand on Whis's back as thousands of beams of bright luminescent light began to scramble around them, and then all at once, they collided into one another in one big stream propelling them up and into the sky.

"Well, that went well…"

Shin sighed dropping his gaze to the ground beneath his feet, for a couple of moments, he contemplated whether he was really cut-out for all this. These were familiar thoughts he'd had consistently throughout the past twenty years, only this time they were a lot more intense. He felt Kibito place a hand on his shoulder in attempted comfort to which he spared him a half-hearted smile of gratitude. Shin took in a deep breath and then released it, feeling his nerves start to mellow out.

. . .

Shin sat upright on top of the comforter of his bed, he'd been sitting there for a while just trying to get some rest. But, so far all he's done is sit and stare, studying his room, picking out random objects that intrigued him in some way.

He shifted uncomfortably on top of the covers, it was much warmer in here than he remembered. He fiddled with the high collar of his uniform that constantly rubbed against his neck, and he could feel his back damp with sweat, sticking to his undershirt. He made an uncomfortable whimpering sound as he shifted for the one-hundredth time since he'd sat down. He'd considered shedding a few layers, but something about doing that seemed wrong to him for no reason in particular.

He'd only rarely used this room for sleep, or rather the bed if he's being honest. When he did sleep in here, it was hunched over the desk over piles of work when he finally collapsed from exhaustion.

He much preferred his room when he was only the East Kai, it was smaller and in a constant state of disaster—always needing to be cleaned because he had it overflowing with books and ancient divine texts—but It was a comfortable environment for him. It wasn't that he didn't like this room, it just felt too big and too spacious. _Perhaps too clean as well…_ It didn't feel as secluded as he would've liked it to be, considering it was his personal space.

The shin-jin sighed shifting again and wiping the sweat from his forehead. It's been a day and a half since Lord Beerus's departure and he hasn't gotten a wink of sleep whatsoever. All this stress was probably what was keeping him awake, and or sweating to death if he was being honest.

Feeling defeated he got up and made his way out of the room and into the long hall. He turned left at the end of it and walked into a spacious kitchen area going straight for a kettle. He could probably find some kind of tea to ease his nerves. Now that he thought of it, he's been drinking quite a lot of tea as of late. All that caffeine was probably part of the reason he couldn't ever sleep. But if he didn't have two-to-three cups a day he was fidgety and anxious. _He just couldn't win._

Shin filled the kettle with water and the necessary condiments needed for lavender tea. He placed the kettle over a flame and took a step back away from the counter, turning to lean against the edge. At least it was cooler out here.

Someone cleared their throat and his heart nearly leapt from his throat. He gasped rather dramatically and grabbed the edge of the counter, his head whipping to his left to see Kibito standing in the entryway of the kitchen.

"I could have done that for you, Master."

Shin let out an exasperated breath, regaining his brittle composure and standing more upright.

Even after the eighteen years he's known Kibito, he still struggled to grasp onto the idea of having a servant to do everything for him. He supposed it just wasn't in his nature to treat someone like one. Not that supreme Kais were necessarily degrading to their attendants, he was just thrust into this position much too suddenly to familiarize himself with having servants willing to bend over backward for his every beckoning order.

"Yes, I know that, Kibito." Shin heard the kettle start to whistle and turned to the stove to remove it from the flame. Reaching up into the cabinet for a cup, he decided to take two of them, letting that stubborn politeness assure him that it'd be rude to now offer the other Kai a cup.

"I _wanted_ to do it myself, making my own tea is the very least I can do," Shin added pouring the tea into both of the cups, he lifted them both by the saucer they sat upon and slid one across the counter to Kibito

"And besides, you already do so much around here." He saw his attendant's eyes widen a fraction, but he accepted the tea nonetheless.

"With all due respect, extra effort on your part isn't necessary. It is my job to serve you—" He was cut off when the smaller Kai rose a hand to silence him.

"Necessary, or not I'm offering."

That was the end of the discussion, and Kibito didn't protest any further.

If Shin was being honest with himself—which he tried to be—he wasn't insisting on sharing tea with his attendant out of the kindness of his heart, but because he truthfully loathed the thought of having to drink tea alone. Like he had been forced to after his friends were exterminated.

Shin won't lie to himself, he was incredibly finicky around Kibito at first. It wasn't until the wounds that had instilled that fear of trusting again has dulled that he allowed himself to enjoy Kibito's presence. It wasn't much of a friendship per se, rather a mutual comforting yet silent understanding they had formed that really couldn't be labeled.

Shin preferred relations to be unspoken, they were more meaningful to him that way. It meant vocal communication wasn't as important as true understanding and fondness, and that the best kinds of connections were subconscious. Shin took another sip of his lavender scented and infused tea, already feeling his body and mind starting to relax.

He used to be rather over-fond of lavender tea way back when he had only just begun his apprenticeship under the Elder Kai. That was when his nerves were at their worst, and the only thing that kept him calm was three cups a day.

Back then the Kaioshin constantly doubted his own abilities, always asking the old Kai why he'd selected him as his apprentice. "I'm not anything special," he'd told him once.

And the response he received that day stuck with him for the rest of his life.

 _"Of course you aren't you nitwit, you're anything but special. But, I have yet to see one that cares as much for his own universe as you do. You doubt your compatibility as the next Supreme Kai because you don't think you'll be able to live up to what your universe needs to thrive."_

He remembers looking at the old Kai like he was insane, completely off his rocker.

 _"You've got the mindset that a Kai needs to overcome before ascending to a supreme role, and I know in time you will do just that. It isn't what you are now, it is what you will become when I am gone. Potential that comes to fruition with time and discipline is what I see in you, and that's not too bad if ya asked me, boy."_

As old and inappropriate as the Elder Kai was, he still stands to this day as the very reason Shin continues to push on. Perhaps in hopes to become what Elder Kai saw in him all those thousands of years ago. Even if the Elder Kai had disappeared mysteriously, and has yet to be found since the emergence of the Z sword, he'd always have unalienable respect for the old sack.

Shin hadn't realized he'd finished his tea during his remembrance of old times, nor did he recognize the fact that he was beginning to tip over until he was caught and held steady by Kibito. Shin was shaken from his thoughts and looked around as if just waking up.

"You should get some rest, Master."

Shin nodded in agreement as a sudden wave of tiredness that came over him. Shin walked back to his room after regaining his balance, and after the door was closed, he hopped up on the bed and drifted off. He was out so fast he didn't even have time to acknowledge how hot it was.


	3. Chapter 3 (Unforeseen)

**A/N: I am letting you know right now that there is a LOT of blood in this chapter, not so much actual gore or violence, just the constant mention of blood.**

. . .

She could hear her own heartbeat pounding in her ears, and could feel her head spinning like a pitfall into a spiraling black ocean of dizziness. The next thing she could feel was something cold against one side of her face, it was almost cold enough to sting. Her eyes fluttered open and then closed again, unable to stay open too long before being weighed down by gravity it seemed. She fought against the weight of exhaustion on her eyelids, struggling to hold them open long enough to catch a glimpse of her surroundings, but her eyes would start to sting and she'd squeeze them shut again.

The next thing she felt was searing, almost unfathomable pain burning throughout her entire nervous system. She was gasping for air, trying to fill her lungs with enough of it to breathe, but her throat burned with every uneven and rushed intake of breath. She choked up something liquidy that was blocking her airway, feeling rather than hearing it splatter onto the coldness that pressed hard against her cheek. Her eyes opened slowly but she couldn't see anything through the blurriness that poisoned her vision.

She felt a gurgled moaning sound tear through her throat as more of the liquid was pushed up and out of it. Her vision finally cleared enough to at least see partially, she looked around but could only see black shapes, and what looked to be a metal floor panel that her cheek was compressed against. As more of her senses finally started kicking in she caught wind of scrambling footsteps and distant shouts echoing off the walls, she could only make out a few syllables and of those few she heard, they were spoken in a language foreign to her. They sounded frantic and commanding like someone was barking orders and the others were responding in unison almost just as loudly.

To her relief, the footsteps grew father away along with the shouts, meaning they had gone a different way. When she thought her vision had cleared enough and she felt she could start to move with the pain, she moved her violently shaking arms across the cold floor positioning them on either side of her head. With as much strength as she could muster, she attempted to lift her upper half up from the floor. A weak cry tore from her throat involuntarily as the movement caused intense electric shocks of white-hot burning pain to rush to her head and abdomen specifically.

She almost choked and fell forward once again as her forearms collapsed from the shock. She took in as much air through her slightly parted lips as possible, trying to steady her breathing patterns before trying again with much more caution to lift herself up. She succeeded in doing so, but as she lifted her face from the floor she felt something stick to her cheek and start to drip down her chin. Once she finally managed a kneeling position she noticed that it was blood that she had choked up earlier that had been pooling around her head, she could taste the strong metallic substance burning in her mouth and throat.

She took a long moment to gather herself leaning back into a sitting position before looking around her. She was in the middle of what seemed to be a long and narrow hallway, everything from the floor to the high ceiling was covered in metal paneling.

Down one of the directions of the hallway was the sound of wind and cracking, there's was a large hole in the glass of a window, outside of it was open space. If she were to move about thirty or so meters closer to it, she'd be in danger of being sucked through. Down the other direction to her right was too dark to see farther than a couple hundred feet.

She clumsily dragged herself over to the wall leaning against it so she was illuminated with enough of the ceiling light to see what her injuries consisted of. She didn't know how she knew to check, she couldn't remember learning to do so. Now that she was thinking of something other than pain… she couldn't recall much of anything.

When she tried to dig deeper possibly to remember at least how she got here, but her head started to spin and a flurry of purple haze blinded her. She shook herself out of it deciding to worry about it later. Looking herself over she saw most of the blood was coming from her throat, meaning the damage was probably something internal. She couldn't lean her back completely against the wall, because she could feel there was an extremely tender wound.

Out of everything that was messed up, it was probably the most painful of them all. It was a constant never-dulling, stinging kind of pain. It was then when she felt pressure on the wound and her chest. she looked down her high collared shirt to find gauze wrapped in thick layers around her entire upper back.

She must've gotten some sort of back injury sometime before receiving her currently bleeding ones. She looked back over to her right, where she couldn't entirely see the end of the tunnel and with a lot of effort, pulled herself up from the floor and onto her wobbly knees. She kept a hand steady on the wall using it to support some of her weight as to not agitate her bruised ribs, other than bruising around her abdomen, intense pain in her back, and an extremely horrible pounding headache she was fine.

Perhaps 'fine' wasn't the best word to use but she was walking at least. She cautiously slid down the length of the narrow corridor with her head continuously turning in every direction. She didn't know what she was looking for, but she sure as hell wasn't going to sit around and bleed to death. About two-hundred meters down from where she had started the hall split into three different ones, the one straight ahead was wider and she could see multiple doors on the left. The other two were left and right, both a bit narrower and similar in appearance. But, the one most noticeable difference between the two was the fact that the right path's floor was smeared with what looked to be oil and blood.

The unsettling sight had her resisting the urge to gag, it looked as if multiple- possibly dead- bodies had been dragged down the hall. Taking a look to her left she saw a dead end not far down that hall, she grimaced slowly returning her gaze to the right path.

She didn't know whether to be relieved or mortified when she spotted an illuminated panel not far down the bloodied corridor. She deflated and took as deep of a breath as she could manage with her sore throat, it was obvious she'd have to go that way. She scrunched up her face in disgust as she walked through the dirty puddles of oil and blood, some of the mixture stuck to the bottom of her black wedge-heeled boots, making the floor slippery.

As she approached the faintly glowing panel on the wall to her left. She recognized the layout of the icons almost immediately, it was a map! Or at least some sort of navigation guide. she quickly scrambled over to the panel finding over a dozen different icons in a language she didn't understand. Luckily there were vague pictures above each one that must also show their purpose, she scanned each one until she found one that showed a four-pointed star and dashed lines behind it.

She pressed her thumb against the icon blood from her hands smearing against the sleek screen, the little thumbnail began to expand and the other options disappeared. A few seconds later a map of the entire facility's layout popped up, a green dot represented her current location which according to the map was somewhere at the very end of the structure. A series of corridors led into hundreds of different directions and destinations, it took her a few tries before she could completely take in the information and start connecting the dots that explained her surroundings. Now that she knew where she was, she needed to know where to go. An exit would be most desirable she concluded and looked for anything that resembled an exit in her general location.

After a few long moments of scrolling, zooming in and out, and searching she found an emergency exit hatch on the ceiling of a short hall a couple of right turns down. Taking a mental picture of the directions she finally began to make her way towards her new destination, her ribs protested against the strain of moving so quickly but she couldn't find the time to care. All she was worried about was getting out of and far away from this tunnel.

And then she stumbles forward suddenly when she is overcome with a spiraling feeling of nausea. She reaches out for the wall to steady herself, but the slick metal left nothing to hold onto, and she toppled over on her side. She groaned upon impact, as the air is momentarily pushed from her lungs. Purple static and the sound of distorted white noise overcomes her senses, and she is unable to move.

Her head starts pounding and her ears began ringing almost painfully, leaving her near-deaf and her limbs numb. The violet-blue static started to clear and when her eyes opened, she realized she was no longer where she had been when she closed them. She could still feel the cold, blood-drenched floor beneath her, and taste the metallic tang of blood behind her teeth. But, instead of a dark, metal ceiling, she saw a pink, cloudless sky. She moved her head to the side and was puzzled to see blades of long, dark-purple, faded grass. As her 'eyes' adjusted, she spotted the roots and bottom length of a black-barked tree a few meters away. When she tilted her head up to see further up the length of the tree she noticed countless notches, scratches, and multiple bark-less pots littering the entirety of the trunk. She jolted her head over in the opposite direction when she heard the sound of a demon's roar.

Her breath caught in her throat when she realized there was something- _someone_ laying beside her, just a foot or two away. She also realized them as being the source of the sound she heard, and that it was extremely loud snoring and in her startled episode she had exaggerated her perception of it. The person's shape almost reminded her of a bear at first, but then when she leaned over to get a closer look she quickly realized it was no bear. They had what looked to be yellow ruffles just below their chin, surrounding their neck almost like silk feathers, light blue skin, and dark-cyan painted features.

She heard the snoring come to an abrupt halt and froze in place, and then her crystal, turquoise eyes widened substantially, mirroring a deer caught in headlights when they were met with huge, lilac pools split in half by a dark line right through the middle.

The pair of wide reflective eyes blinked at her approximately three times before they narrowed slightly and their brows knitted together in confusion. They finally opened their mouth to speak, and she heard them speak one single word before she was torn from the scene entirely. Everything broke out into static-y blue and purple blotches once again and she fell forward onto the dirty panels of the bloodied corridor's floor. When she re-opened her eyes, she was back in the bloody tunnel.

She pushed herself up into a hunched sitting position, wiping the fresh blood from her cheek though only really smearing it across her face and the back of her hand. She stared wide-eyed at the floor as she re-gathered her strength and thoughts. When she finally looked up from the floor she repeated what the stranger had said from whatever hallucination she had just experienced.

 _"_ _Talia?"_

. . .

Shin wasn't used to having dreams. As a god who barely slept, and always considered his imagination rather unimpressive- there really hadn't been many instances where his subconscious had conjured up anything he hadn't seen or experienced before when he slept.

The short kai sat upright from the bed, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He tried with minimal effort to process what he'd just witnessed within the confines of his deep sleep.

The dream itself was quite vague, and lacking in any real meaning or sense. It was made up mostly of a looping scene of himself in the beginning, sitting out with a cup of tea under one of his favored spots under a tree on the sacred world of the Kais. But then someone approached him from behind, or rather simply passed him and sat beside him under the shade of the tree. It was a woman. She sat so her head was angled away from him, preventing him from seeing her face, though the very first thing he noticed was her hair.

It was a soft lavender, and it was long, the longest he'd ever seen. And it blew in what he assumed to be a light breeze, although he didn't feel it. Neither of them spoke once and she never turned to face him leaving his curiosity unresolved. The only change that occurred was just for a moment, she raised a lithe hand to move a section of her silvery-purple tresses behind a rose, pointed ear.

He didn't ponder on his dream any longer than that, finding it less important compared to the other things he needed to do. Besides, it isn't like the dream was unpleasant, in all honesty, it was a nice change from the morbid nightmares he could have very well experienced otherwise.

. . .

To say that Shin was disappointed to find he'd only slept for just under two days would be an overstatement, it was more stressing than it was disappointing. He had four days until the destroyer would return expecting a much better attempt at a coordination meeting, and he'd only gotten three days worth of rest - minus the tea breaks. Surely that was enough, right? It's the longest he's managed to rest in a long while and even if it was pitiful compared the _years_ Lord Beerus could remain dormant, there was no reward for leisure. Real work was rewarded and even if rest was needed to continue, it wasn't as crucial as Lord Beerus was making it out to be.

He was getting too caught up in his thoughts again.

Shin shook his head as if to shake those thoughts away, and re-focused his attention on writing down the rest of the name and coordinates of a planet where he had stopped in the middle of. He sat cross-legged in front of the crystal ball with a huge red book that was half-full of even more planets that would need to be erased from existence.

This was dreadful work, even for Daikaioh who had worked alongside Lord Beerus for ages. It was difficult to work so hard on creating new planets full of new life, and then to have to destroy them eventually. Even if Shin knew he wouldn't ever have to destroy the planets himself, it was still just as barbaric in his mind.

"Such a sad way the universes must work… " He sighed to himself, peering back into the orb and coming upon an all too familiar planet that would, unfortunately, need to go.

The planet itself was rather small, and only inhabited by a few races, but it held a rather strong significance to him. It was the first planet he had created by himself, such a long time ago that had to have been.

The planet's name was "Alora", an old term in the divine language that roughly translated to "Small beauty." It was full of plant life in all kinds violets, pinks, and blues … sure they ended up evolving into carnivorous plants that ate each other and the planet was drifting too far out of orbit and would eventually smash into another planet if it wasn't destroyed, but it was beautiful regardless.

Shin sighed again, begrudgingly writing Alora and it's rough coordinates in the book as well. His attention was taken away from his work and to Kibito, who had just approached him clearing his throat. His expression was a stoic as ever though he could see a bit of concern there as well, something wasn't right.

"Master, we have an… _unexpected visitor_."

. . .


	4. Chapter 4 (Amnesia's Toll)

_Talia?_ Maybe that was her name, they were looking at her when they said it, so it wouldn't be completely far-fetched to assume that was her name right? But why couldn't she remember? It was like she just woke up without a clue of who she was.

Talia looked down at her hands now smeared with blood, she just stared. There were so many questions without answers, so many curiosities left unsolved… Talia clenched her hands tightly looking down the tunnel before her with a determined spike in her mood, she pulled herself onto her feet and began to make her way down the path she had set before her vision.

Whether she remembered who she was or not, she was getting out of here. She picked up the pace as soon as her crystal orbs caught sight of the escape, she almost tripped with the eagerness of her brain, and her legs not being able to keep up as quickly. She placed both hands on the door searching around for a latch or button, she spotted a latch above the door with a red triangle and tried to reach for it but her inconvenient height didn't allow it.

She huffed out of frustration looking around for something to stand on to reach it, but instead, she found a shelf next to the door. On the shelves were masks with tiny fans built into the sides of them, she grabbed one and placed it over her face out of curiosity. It covered the lower half of her face entirely, and after some fumbling, she learned how to turn it on, it began to fill the mask with air and she quickly turned it back off.

It was then when she realized that if she had reached the latch earlier she would have literally jumped out into open space where she would not be able to breathe… perhaps her intelligence was impaired from the memory loss.

But with this mask, she'd be able to breathe and have a point-five percent chance of being found by someone that wouldn't kill her before she ran out of air in the mask or froze to death. She jumped when she suddenly heard a shrill shout from a down the hall, she jolted her head in the direction of the scream and paled when she saw a white, armored creature pointing in her direction with all of their buddies behind them.

They all charged down the corridor, but Talia was quick to jump onto the shelf to pull the latch before they could reach her. When the door opened she, and most of the group of white soldiers were immediately sucked out into open space. Talia switched on the mask to be able to breathe in the vacuum of cold blackness, immediately her lungs began to fill with air.

The soldiers screamed and screeched in a foreign language to each other gasping for air, but within seconds their faces started to frost over and soon all the yelling stopped. Their lifeless corpses floated away in different directions, and Talia spared them a split second of sympathy before trying to push her way through the expanse of outer space.

For a while, she just floated further and further away. Away from the ship she'd just escaped from, not taking one glance back. She didn't want to think about what could have happened to her in that bloodied corridor had she stayed put. She started to drift off, fighting to keep her eyes open and her moving her forward but the welcoming comfort of sleep seduced her into its subconscious embrace.

Perhaps just a few moments to rest her eyes…

. . .

Talia abruptly awoke at the feeling of being violently propelled forward and an extreme increase of temperature surrounding her entire body all at once, her eyes shot open and she saw that she was falling through a planet's atmosphere.

She was a hurdling ball of fire cutting through the air at rapid speeds, but she could barely feel the flames, she didn't even realize that her entire body was now surrounded in a purple forcefield. The abrupt change from space to breathable air and a new planet threw her vitals off momentarily, and she ripped off the mask taking in a lungful of sweet oxygen before immediately passing out.

When she crashed into the ground the force-field shattered, successfully breaking the intensity of her fall but she remained unconscious. And in her unconsciousness, she felt an unusual comfort like she was safe.

. . .

Kibito spotted something emerge through the sacred world's atmosphere from a distance, watching startled as it fell from the sky. It was an orb of violet energy surrounded in flames from the fall, the ball collided into the earth creating a small crater.

The frantic servant took flight quickly flying over to the disturbance, he hovered several a hundred feet above the scene waiting for the smoke to clear before he decided if it was safe to approach or not. The kai was shocked to see a body lying inside of the smoking crater, and no sign of the purple ball of energy he had spotted before.

Letting his gut lead him downwards into the shallow crater, he cautiously approached the motionless figure. There laying on her stomach above the dirt was a woman, with long, lavender hair, pink skin, and pointed ears. She was a kai.

He would have hurried to his master before approaching her had his brain been able to overpower his worry, but he found himself kneeling beside the girl who was obviously unconscious, and surprisingly alive. Although he was hesitant to just leave her there, a steady pulse eased him enough to go fetch his master before taking any actions of healing.

He found his superior sitting in front of the crystal ball with a book he recognized, in any other circumstance he wouldn't bother his master when he was doing such emotionally straining work. But he was very positive that this was a situation where he could let it slide, the Supreme Kai had a right to know if someone fell from the sky on the sacred world of the kais after all, it was his planet.

Kibito calmed his nerves before clearing his throat, successfully gathering the shorter kai's undivided attention. His master gave him a questioning look, and Kibito was eager to clarify the problem at hand.

"Master, we have an… unexpected visitor."

Shin closed the book and hastily stood up, a concerned and slightly fearful look in his dark eyes. He really, truthfully hope it was not Lord Beerus. Although way too early, it could still very well be the destroyer changing his mind and coming earlier than he said he would. And that was the last thing Shin needed right now.

"Unexpected visitor? Who is here, Kibito? Surely it is not Lord Beerus so soon."

To his relief Kibito shook his head, confirming that the destroyer god was not here to torment him further. But if it wasn't Lord Beerus than who could it be?

"I saw something fall from the sky earlier, and when I went to investigate I found an unconscious woman there… and she appears to be a kai." Kibito replied, an almost undetectable edge to his voice that confirmed his normally concealed worry.

Shin's eyes widened and immediately requested Kibito lead him to them, they could be seriously injured if they had really fallen from the sky as his servant had described. But as he and Kibito took flight he couldn't help but wonder how another kai besides himself and his attendant could supposedly, and unintentionally turn up here?

There weren't necessarily an abundance of kaioshins in the omniverse, and he hadn't really ever heard of one abandoning Kaishin to wander around. Kais were not known to go rogue, ever, most trained to be assigned to a role in one of the universes.

Hopefully, this wasn't a sign of an omniversal disturbance, those were rare but possible.

The two of them landed a couple of feet away from the small crater, and Shin immediately spotted the unconscious form of the woman Kibito had spoken of. He was quick to approach her kneeling down to see her better, Kibito knelt down on the other side of the woman, allowing the Supreme Kai to look her over before taking any action of healing.

She didn't look too bad from her position laying face-down, but when he moved to carefully turn her over he was shocked by what he found. Her face, hands, and the front of her clothing were stained with blood.

Shin frantically ordered Kibito to begin healing her, taking a few steps back to give him some space and also to process seeing so much blood all at once. He let himself breathe and calm his nerves for a few moments while Kibito mended the woman's wounds, he didn't know her but it was in his nature to dislike seeing others in pain.

He was shaken abruptly from his train of thought by a sharp gasp followed by a coughing fit emerge from the now conscious girl. Kibito put some distance between himself and the woman out of respect for her space and also the potential threat she could pose to be, Kai or not.

She caught her breath for a few moments waiting for it to steady before pushing herself off the dirt with her forearms, she pulled herself up into a hunched sitting position and then looked up. Her back was facing them, so she did not realize their presence yet. Shin watched curiously as she looked around and then down at her hands, still smeared with dry blood.

Shin nodded to Kibito, silently indicating that he was going to approach her. Cautiously, he walked over to the oblivious kai careful not to make any sudden movements to startle her or strike a nerve. He reached down to place a lithe, ginger hand on her shoulder keeping his voice soft as he spoke,

"Excuse me, Miss -" He started but was cut off when the girl jumped letting out a short shriek turning herself around while throwing herself backward, she stared at him with a wide, panicked gaze.

Shin retracted his hand immediately, holding them out as if to say he meant no harm to her. While she visibly relaxed, when he made a move in her direction she scrambled backward again, obviously still feeling threatened by him. He also realized Kibito's looming figure behind him might also be the source of her uncertainty.

"We will not harm you," Shin kept his voice calm although his nerves were shaken as well, but he didn't want to alert her of that. "We just want to help, and find out why you are here."

"Where am I?" Her voice was shaky, and he could tell she was struggling not to panic. Her thoughts were frantic, and moving much too fast for him to navigate. He was able to recover some of them though, all of the questions he was surprised she did not know.

"You are on the Sacred World of the Kais, Universe Seven. Do you remember how you got here?"

She looked down as if trying to remember, it appeared to be a physical struggle to recollect. All of a sudden she squeezed her eyes shut and gripped her head, he didn't spot the purple luminescence with her head down but immediately realized she was in pain.

"Are you alright?" He rushed to her aid, her thoughts went dead silent and he worried about that. She didn't stop him from approaching this time, and he knelt down to her level placing one hand on her upper back.

He didn't receive an immediate response and her hands still clutched her head, she breathed in unevenly sharp breaths her hands shaking. Shin was at a loss of what to do, he didn't know what was wrong, better yet how to help this poor girl. Finally, after a few minutes she seemed to 'snap' back into reality, she removed her hands from her temples and looked over her shoulder to the small kai.

"I'm sor-ry, that keeps happening… And no, I don't remember anything… just … falling."

Shin nodded, letting her know he understood. Though he still had so many questions… but it seemed like not even she knew, so, for now, it was not important.

"What is your name?" Shin asked, figuring more simple questions would come easier to her.

"I… when I said I don't remember anything, I meant 'anything at all'... But, I think it could be Talia?" The uncertainty in her voice made it quite clear she was telling the truth, not that he would expect her to lie, but she could have.

"Well, Talia, I am Shin. I am also the Supreme Kai of this universe." Shin didn't really know why he decided to add that last part in, considering she probably didn't remember or know what a Supreme Kai was, and she was obviously confused.

"A conversation for another time, we would be happy to let you stay here, at least until your memory is recovered." Shin proposed with a kind smile that brought a light blush to Talia's face, she went to ask if he was sure he was fine with it, but his mind-reading capabilities put him a step ahead of her.

"I assure you it would be no trouble, but it is your decision to make."

Talia looked down for a moment and then back up to Shin with a small, half-hearted smile and nodded. The creation god found himself beaming at the thought of someone else's company than his own and Kibito's, surely it'd be a nice change with all the stress he'd been handling these past… well, twenty years if he was being honest.

Shin reached out a pale, lilac hand out to help her up which she timidly but gratefully accepted.

"Thank you, … Shin."

"You're welcome, Talia. I look forward to you staying with us," Perhaps he shouldn't have said that last part out loud but it was too late now, and she didn't seem to be affected negatively by it. He turned to his older attendant who had remained silent throughout the entire encounter.

"Kibito, could you show her a room to stay in while I make tea?" The stoic Kaioshin simply nodded and started to walk towards the kais' residence, gesturing for Talia to follow.

Shin watched the two of them leave, and as he finally got a good look at Talia from behind, something caught him completely off-guard. It was her hair… It was _Lavender_ , and _long enough to reach her knees_. Shin immediately realized that she was the woman he'd seen in his dream… an unsettling feeling of Deja-vu made his stomach churn, but he tried his best to think of the positives.

He knew foresight wasn't an attribute for Kaioshins, which might be one of the reasons this sudden 'coincidence' didn't feel quite right.

Shin sighed and turned back to retrieve the book of planets he'd left by the crystal ball earlier, and then headed after the two retreating shin-jins to prepare some much-needed tea.

He was positive he was a tea addict now.

. . .

 **A/N:** ** _Caffeine_** **addict more like - anyways I've got the first half of the next chapter started, but who knows when I'll finish that (** kms **)**


	5. Chapter 5 (Teach Me)

**A/n: it took me awhile to get around to finishing this chapter for multiple reasons, but it's done now and that's all that matters. (Also title changed, cus it felt incomplete, carry on!)**

Weeks turned into months that went by since Shin and Kibito had found Talia, and the small deity, as selfish as it sounded, truly wished that she might stay even after retained her lost memories.

Talia broke his routine, something he's hated for years. She often came to him in his study or when he was outside looking over the universe to ask questions, he was never bothered by her curiosity, he enjoyed having someone to talk to more his age. Talia fainted often, and for a while, it's really concerned him, she could completely fine one second and then on her knees holding her head or passed out on the floor the next.

She never told him anything about it, and he respected her desire for privacy, even if he was always worried she'd fall out of nowhere without warning. She also always wanted to be alone right after recovering from passing out or collapsing, it wouldn't be long before she would eventually wander out again looking as if nothing had happened.

After Lord Beerus returned to continue the coordination meeting things appeared to be getting better for him. The meeting went unexpectedly well, Beerus was satisfied with the kai's attentiveness and Shin had taken the emotional strain of handing over the list fairly well. He just did the work and tried not to think about it, about the destruction, and he'd found that it was much easier with Talia around.

Shin would be lying if he said he didn't appreciate the distraction, her company often kept his mind off the whole ordeal. She wasn't very talkative, much like Kibito, preferring to listen to what he had to say then to engage vocally in the conversation. But Shin didn't blame her for that, she was just so recently put through a traumatizing situation, he should expect her to hold some sort of hesitance in speaking to someone who she did not know she could trust. But he hoped in time she would be comfortable to speak

Talia normally spent her time in his study reading the books he kept on the shelves, some that probably haven't been touched in decades. She was almost always there when he was working, they didn't talk most of the time, and from her thoughts, he gathered that she simply didn't want to disturb him while he worked.

Speaking of thoughts, he's contemplated mentioning his mind-reading capabilities to her. Her thoughts were her own and should be only hers to hear, and he was practically invading her privacy by listening in. Unintentionally or not, she had the right to know. Months ago.

Shin looked over to the lavender-haired kai that sat in an armchair in another corner of the room, right next to the window and bookshelf. She was laying sideways, with her upper back against the arm of the chair and her legs draped over the other arm. Her hair splayed all over the place, the majority of it hung over the arm of the chair where her head was, while other sections were spilling over her shoulders.

She had one of the bulkier books in her grasp, the cover a dark, faded mahogany with the title "Divine Mythology" in slightly weathered letters across it.

His brows furrowed, it was one of the books written entirely in the divine language which consisted of runes that took a long time to learn to decipher even to those who'd spent a long time studying the language. What interest would she have in it? He didn't know if she had learned the language in her past life and still remembered or perhaps was trying to learn the language herself, but if she was trying to learn that book would most definitely not be the book to start with.

Now Shin was one who often kept his curiosities to himself, but if she were truly trying to learn he could at least point her in the right direction. He also knew that it would be a good conversation starter to get her talking more and ease into his confession of his mind-reading ability, perhaps that would be a more gentle approach.

"Talia," She looked up from the ancient text after hearing her name and noticing the slightly shorter, dark-eyed kaioshin glancing over at her from his desk.

"Yes?" Her soft voice replied it's familiarity bringing a kind smile to his face.

"What do you know of the divine language?" It was blunt, and quite a random question to ask given the circumstance, but she replied nonetheless.

"I can read, write, and speak it." Her answer was almost just as blunt, and slightly distant, and when he looked back over to her he realized she had reimmersed herself in the book. So she did know the language,

"Where did you learn?" She gave him a weird look, one he could not entirely decipher. He was going to ask what was wrong but she spoke just before he could open his mouth.

"I don't know." She returned her attention to what she was reading once again, and while he did not want to annoy her, he wanted to try to get her to speak at least a little more.

"You do not remember… my apologies Miss Talia, though if I may have your attention for just a moment longer?" He asked politely, not wanting to seem like he was pressuring her.

Talia's eyes widened a fraction, a light blush rising to her cheeks, almost unnoticeable with the tint that her skin was. She quickly nodded, hastily closing the book and moving to sit correctly in the chair. He could already faintly hear her thoughts rattling of her masked guilt of being so standoffish.

"Of course, I- forgive me I should have been listening more attentively."

Shin only offered her an understanding smile, one of which Talia could put her mild guilt to rest. Or at least that is what he hoped, he could read thoughts, not emotions. Clearing his throat and turning to face her properly, after all, a conversation spoken over his shoulder was not really a conversation at all.

"I know this is going to be a sensitive topic for you, but I feel obligated to tell you." He paused momentarily, only to choose his next words as carefully as possible. "I owed you this months ago, but I hope now isn't too late to inform you of it."

Talia was silent, an aggravated crease forming between her brows. She was nervous, something he didn't need to poke through her head to realize with such clear signs of it in her body language.

"What … is it you have not told me?"

Her voice was awfully monotone despite the nervous tick that she felt shudder her nerves.

"Kaios have many abilities as you may already know, that help us watch over our universes," Shin's charcoal eyes flicker over to meet the perplexed expression Talia displays, but he can't sense any negative energy yet, so he continues. "I in particular have an ability to decipher one's personal thoughts, I … should have informed you of this earlier for the sake of your privacy, but I do not know why I did not- I do not understand what possessed me to not say, but I suppose it has something to do with me worrying over your- ahem, excuse my rambling, I just wanted to make sure you were aware and I hope I have not lost your trust in me."

Silence. He waited a full minute for her to say something-- anything, but the only sounds he heard from her were gentle breaths. Was she angry? Upset? Disappointed in him? He wanted-- no, needed to know how she felt.

His urge to run creeped up on him almost startling him out of the room like a spooked bird, but he steeled himself there. Looking up, he saw her staring, her mouth opened but then closed again several times as if she wanted to say something but couldn't find the correct words to carry it out.

"So- you mean, th-that you can read-? All the time?" Was her unsteady reply, her blue eyes looked everywhere but him but couldn't help but settle on the short Kai anyways.

"Yes- I mean no- well, most of the time, yes," Shin suddenly found himself flustered for no particular reason, at least not one he understood. "It all really depends on the strength one has on withholding their thoughts, if they really don't want to be read, they won't be."

Talia pressed her lips into a thin line, nodding to confirm her comprehension.

"Per … Perhaps, I should withhold mine better then, eh?" Talia gently joked, a soft chuckle fluttering from her chest and through her teeth to echo throughout the suddenly less thick air. The sound of it both shocked and melted him, his shoulders loosening and his face twisting into an emotional smile and he had to hold back the salt trying to glaze his eyes.

"Your optimism is very … oddly enlightening. Perhaps it's I who should be taking notes from you, Miss Talia." Shin lightheartedly quipped back, a warm, comforting feeling of familiarity he couldn't quite place at first set in. And then he realized what it was.

She reminded him of Nishi.

He remembered the West Kai's bubbly, mischievous personality like he'd only seen her yesterday, he used to admire her positivity, notice the way she lit up the room. Talia and Nishi's temperaments were quite different of course, the kai before him was much more calm, and much gentler in nature. But he found their moral, infectious ability to see the brighter side of things quite similar.

Talia was blessed with a persistent but subtle curiosity that pushed her to learn, she was quite obviously intelligent, she read everything before touching it. Labels, tags, titles, and small lists, anything with letters could capture her interest spanning from seconds to hours. She also emitted an aura of tranquility, it was like her presence could quell his nerves, something only Nishi or tea could do previously.

But he knew that he wasn't seeing all of her, there was something else about her she was guarding from him. Her frequent fainting episodes, her splitting migraines or the way she'd drop to her knees clawing at her temples, he'd even been informed by Kibito that she'd suffered a seizure while he was elsewhere one day. Shin was thoroughly convinced it had something-- or even everything to do with her memory loss. Talia never brought up the topic, and made it difficult to get straight answers from her whenever he asked a question related to it.

Like a month or so ago, he had asked her if she had remembered any important things lately, and her answer was, "A very good question, I wonder about that sometimes too." And when he'd tried to be more specific another time, she'd said, "I-I'd say maybe, but that depends on what you … mean by important."

Each of her responses were equally if not more confusing than the last, and left him at a dead end. The last time he'd asked her, "Are you feeling alright as of late? Is your memory showing any signs of recovery?" And she'd responded, "If I knew, I'd tell you." And that's when Shin realized trying to ask that way would get him nowhere.

Regardless of his dense worry, now was not the time to try and bring up such things, she was in a good mood and he wasn't about to ruin that smile. After all, it's important to cherish the serenity before a hurricane.

"Now, just how much do you remember about the divine language?" Shin questioned seemingly out of the blue after being caught up in his thoughts.

"I already told you- "

"I am aware. Maybe I could've rephrased that better, how much do you not know about the divine?" Talia looked at him with wide, lost eyes, but he only smiled at her ignorance.

"Or, what would you like to know about it?"

Talia grinned and stood up from the chair looking like a woman on a mission, and for her knowledge might as well be one.

"Everything you can teach me, Supreme Kai of Universe Seven."

Shin held his smile despite his distaste for his formal title on her tongue.


	6. Chapter 6 (Trust Issues)

_Pistanthrophobia -_

 _The fear of trusting, or building a personal or intimate relationship with someone._

. . .

A half-second after her eyes close, she's taken away from her room and face-down in familiar, purple grass. But her dreams of this place were different from her flashbacks, she moved on her own in the flashes, but in the dream world, it was like she was moving without meaning to.

Talia stood up from the tall, indigo blades of grass, and almost feeling the short ends of her hair brushing against the back of her neck. She always had short hair in these memories and dressed differently.

Her body twirled around in the dense wind, arms and legs pushing her small frame around in a carefree dance. Unlike any flash she's experienced before, she was barefoot and could vividly remember the prickling feeling of the grass beneath her nimble feet, brushing against her ankles.

She was in much different attire as well, instead of a layered uniform she was accustomed to, she was wearing a loose, white sundress that stopped at her knees. A thick, white ribbon twins around her neck instead of a high collar, and it exposed much of her upper back.

Talia could feel how happy she had been in that moment, and as she continued to twirl and sway she felt the heavy anxiety in her own chest float away like a small, paper bird into a free, pink sky. And that light, fluffy feeling was replaced with mild surprise as she was pulled into thin, long arms.

She heard herself squeal and giggle much louder than she'd allow herself around others, she was spun around to meet a boy with small, slanted, magenta eyes and pale yellow skin. A smug, dimpled grin spread across his features as he led her around in his own dance. He had short, chin-length, teal hair, one bang falling long over the one side of his face cutting off one corner of his eye from view. She let him spin her around as they danced around playfully, their uncontainable giggling like that of two young girls, it was like they knew each other long before that moment.

Without much control of her actions in this memory, Talia's eyes remained locked on the other's even if she desperately wanted to process more of his appearance. Two yellow— like his face and hands— antenna stuck out from his hair like twigs, and tendrils hung from behind his ears moving like a second pair of hands without fingers. She wouldn't have noticed them if they hadn't been brushing her cheeks so frequently, he was odd-looking to her own conscious mind but the striking familiarity was uncanny.

She'd never seen this boy in her visions or dreams before, which was shocking considering how comfortably they acted together, a close friend no doubt. It was painful to think of how they must feel with her being away from them if they still were living, she knew her lifespan extended far beyond most other beings in the universe, according to Shin anyways.

Talia found herself enjoying reliving this memory, unlike her other flashes of pain and confusing occurrences she could never understand. She felt like she didn't need to question this, didn't need to understand with so much happiness. And when they both finally tired of their playful frolicking they fell to the ground beneath a black-barked tree under the comforting shade, catching their breaths while still breathlessly snickering.

And the sound that came out when he spoke to her terrified her consciousness and pleased her subconscious past self, in all her flashbacks there had only been one where someone had _spoken_ to her, the very first one back on that ship. His voice came out like smooth, filtered honey dragging out the simplest syllables in a unique accent that made her starve to hear more.

"Keh… I wish you trained as freely as you dance with us, Talia." There was a feeling of dramatized offendedness in his voice that rose the corners of her mouth and lifted her brows into a questioning smirk. "Maybe then, Pogo might not be so soft on you!"

Still not able to control her own movements she nudged her elbow directly into his ribs none too gently, he choked on his own laugh as the air was forced out of his lungs.

"Pogo's too soft to begin with, Eden, he'd be the same if I fought more forcefully with him!" She heard herself defend, not missing how she'd used his name, so he was 'Eden'? The two laughed again, though not as hard, she could sense a strong fondness from her past self for whoever Pogo was. "Heh, he'd probably let me win!"

"Well, it is our job to protect you, Lia." Eden quipped putting his arms behind his head and watching the clouds roll by, the neighboring moon visible even in broad daylight. "You are the smallest after all— !"

"I'm way older than _both_ of you combined!" She clarified rather defensively, but not too seriously, she was much too relaxed to be truly offended.

"I said the _smallest_ , not the _youngest_ , Lia," Eden said turning his head to her, and Talia sat up straight throwing her hands up in the air in mock frustration.

"It always comes back to my height doesn't it!?" She exclaimed accusingly, dragging out the 'ways' in always for over dramatic effect, only succeeding in making in making Eden wheeze even harder. "Nice to know you find my _vertical impairment_ so amusing."

A moment later Eden suddenly turns his head to look behind her, and as Talia turns to see what he was staring at—

The scene cracks and then shatters like a mirror upon the impact of her sudden consciousness. Talia gasps for breath when she opens her eyes to complete darkness, she's sweating under the covers so she shucks them off and onto the floor, and just lays there. Her eyes adjust to the dark and Talia stares at the ceiling, as she calms, she tries to process the memory.

A lingering, feathery feeling of joy still remained, this is the first time she'd had a flashback that was clearly happy. Rolling over on her side she gazes out of the large window on the wall a couple feet away from the left side of her bed, it was still quite dark out and a quick glance at the time tells her it's only three in the morning.

The blue-eyed Kai sighed and swiped her hand across her damp forehead to wipe the sweat, and choked on her exhale when her hand suddenly changed before her eyes. Once a pink, slender hand flickered to a white-gloved, thick one slick and stained with blood as it ran over her temple. She made a half-whimpering, half-shuddering sound but a soon as the hand had changed it was back to her own just as quickly. Her breathing picked up as panic started to raise her blood pressure and heart rate, Talia hugged herself, fighting to swallow the tight ball of fear deep in her chest and the lump in her throat that made her eyes burn with salt.

She abruptly jumped up from her mattress and was out of the room in seconds, her sock-clad feet carrying her down the long hall. A few turns later she was in the kitchen, and also face-to-face with Kibito and Shin drinking tea at the counter. They must have noticed her fearful look because Shin immediately stood up from his seat and set down his cup a thousand questions already showing in his concerned eyes.

"Talia, are you alright? What's happened?" He starts to walk in her direction where she stood frozen at the entrance to the room but stops when he sees her flinch and take a step back. She hasn't done that in a long while. "Please, tell me what is wrong so I can help."

Talia seems to space out for a second but snaps back just as quickly, her tense shoulders loosen and she makes her way further into the kitchen. Shin sees this as a sign that he can come closer now and he does, he's at her side in a few strides and has a hand on her shoulder.

"I-I'm alright, I just- " A stern look from Shin that she could normally go around or straight through lets her know he will see through any lie she attempts, and with his mind reading abilities he'd probably find out anyways. "Bad dream…"

She feels the muscles in Shin's hand twitch and his fingers squeeze her shoulder, most likely unintentionally tighter but it is far from uncomfortable. His face is unreadable but she just catches the change in expression before it could slip away, it was not one of pity, but understanding. She thinks to look away and change the subject but his voice in her mind stops her, ' _Don't.'_

"I am sorry you had to experience such a dream, If there is anything I- we can do to make you feel comfortable again please, say so." Something about the way he'd said it stood out to her as one of the most comforting things she could remember hearing because he meant it.

Talia offered a small, but genuine smile to silently voice her gratitude. "I'm sure there's no helping it now, I'm too awake now. But, thank you, really it's sweet of you to care."

Shin is satisfied with her answer, he can see she is starting to feel better, even if only a little bit. He could pry more, could ask what her dream had been about, but he didn't need to. There's a light feeling in his stomach that lingers as he becomes more aware of the warmth of her bare shoulder underneath his hand, he hadn't even noticed she was in her night clothes, he recognizes the feeling as his own embarrassment.

He respectfully removes his hand from her shoulder letting it fall to his side, his face warms up and he averts his eyes. She wasn't wearing anything immodest by any means, it was a white, opaque nightgown that really just looked like a knee-length, long-sleeved shirt over loose shorts. But since the oversized article dwarfed her small form, the neckline fell to expose one of her shoulders.

It isn't that he is having unprofessional thoughts, he was just a little unused to her wearing anything other than the layered uniform they lent her.

Talia suddenly realized what she had come into the kitchen for in the first place, something to drink to clear her head. Talia turned and searched the cupboard for a mug or glass that wasn't a teacup, something she doubted they bothered to own. Shin had unintentionally overheard her mental reminder and decided to take the opportunity.

"There's tea left in the kettle if you are thirsty, anything we make will always be open to you," Shin assured, moving to sit down at the counter beside a still un-expressive Kibito. Shin avoided looking over for her answer so she knew he really did not mind, he brought the rim of his own cup to his lips letting the warm liquid-happiness run smoothly down his throat.

Discreetly shifting his eyes mid-sip he saw Talia staring at the shelves of cups in the cupboard looking completely and hopelessly lost, her hand in the air as if to grab one but not quite getting there. Shin couldn't help but smile behind his cup, he stood up once more and moved to stand beside her to see what the problem was.

"What is wrong, Talia?"

"There are… so many of them, which… which one am I supposed to use?" Talia asked her eyes scanning the wide variety of porcelain tea cups, Shin couldn't help but chuckle. She could even get lost in a cupboard?

"Any one you want," The small deity replied, gesturing for her to pick one. Talia drew her bottom lip in between her teeth as she browsed the cabinet, her eyes crossed over but then quickly flickered back to a one. It was white with a standard shape but had small, painted, pink roses around the sides, it looked older with a few scratches and a couple of shallow cracks with a twisted handle.

Shin watched her expressions unintentionally closely, noticing how her eyes suddenly stopped on one particular cup. It was one of his oldest ones, certainly not the fanciest or in the greatest condition, but she seemed to like it from the way her eyes examined it with delicate interest. Smiling to himself he reached up on his own— using the handle of a drawer to elevate himself— and carefully grabbed it with steady hands.

The shorter shin-jin held out the cup to her and she gingerly accepted it, her fingers tracing the designs. Shin used a rag to lift the kettle and held it, offering to pour it himself, to which she graciously allowed.

"Thank you, Shin." He heard her softly thank him, and looked over his shoulder as he placed the empty kettle back onto the stove, a feeling of fondness coming over him as he watched her take small sips from the porcelain tea cup. She looked relaxed, a completely different person from the one who scrambled into the kitchen earlier.

"You're welcome, it suits you." Shin found himself saying, not even needing a second or third thought before he spoke. Though as he returned to his seat and his beckoning cup of chamomile, he caught the tilt of her head across the counter, and added, "The cup, I mean."

Talia made a silent 'Oh' with her lips and closed her eyes nodding her head forward to agree or kindly acknowledge his words. She even willed herself comfortable— or tired, enough to sit down at the counter between them. Shin hid his approval of it behind a smile and the three of them drank in a comfortable silence until Kibito politely excused himself to rest.

Both smaller kais bowed their heads in response to his requested departure, and the attendant took his leave. Shin didn't miss the subtle fact that she did not move a seat down after Kibito's departure, nor did he miss its meaning. Talia was comfortable not only in her seat but in his close proximity.

The two alternated between making small talk and sitting in a comfortable silence as the time ticked by, Shin eventually started taking notice of her gradually slouching posture and her heavy eyes. She was most definitely tired, he knew the feeling all too well, she hadn't slept in a good few months and she seemed to lose energy quicker than him.

"You should try to rest again if you feel you can." He suggested as she tried to cover up a yawn for the fourth time in the last ten minutes, she didn't reply immediately running her thumbnail over the crack in her cup. "I promise I will not feel offended if you wish to sleep," He half-joked, though truly meaning it.

"Yes, I should try to fall back asleep," Talia agreed setting down her cup and to offer Shin a sleepy, half-lidded smile. She rose from her chair and went to the sink to wash the cup, to which he didn't object, she had made it quite clear that she would clean up after herself even it wasn't necessary. "But,"

She starts, and Shin looks up waiting for her to continue.

"You should sleep as well, I have noticed how exhausted you have been lately." Shin doesn't find the ability to respond right away or to conjure up any rational excuse, so for once he allows himself to open up and answer her honestly.

"That is easier said than done, Talia." He finally says getting up and moving to stand beside her and access the sink to absentmindedly rinse his own cup. He can feel her eyes but ignores them, and decides to also say, "I appreciate your concern though, it is very sweet of you to care."

Shin mimics her words from earlier, but with slightly less hesitance. Talia wipes her now clean tea cup and puts it in the same place it had been taken from inside the cupboard, but she is feeling brave— or too tired to care, and speaks up again.

"What do you mean? What keeps you from your own rest, Shin?" The drowsy, lavender-haired kaioshin asks. It is a private question but that does not stop her from wanting to know. "If you do not mind me asking."

The Supreme Kai bites the inside of his cheek, debating whether or not he should tell her the real reasoning behind his insomniac habits, the reasons why he struggles so much. It's entirely personal and he is hesitant to trust her to understand, but there's something in the back of his mind that is telling him that the more he opened up with her, she could do the same.

"It is not something I am necessarily proud of." He admits, giving her a way out if she wanted it, though it was as much of an escape to him as it was for her. With his newly washed cup in the cupboard, it left them standing in the kitchen, but Talia led him to one of the living areas and sat down on one of the couches. He follows the suit waiting for her to talk like he was expecting an interrogation.

"Can you tell me what it is, I can't say I'll understand, but I will listen."

Shin almost is too shocked to accept her generous, unexpected kind offer of comfort. It was something he hadn't had the chance to experience from his late friends, being too reserved and timid to ask. The thought of someone who hadn't even known him for longer than a year willingly asking for him to confide in them almost broke him. It felt like he could just reach down inside and spill out everything that he'd kept bottled up for such a long time that he felt no one would ever want to hear.

"It is… a v-very long story, are you-"

"I have time." And that was the end of his protests.

Shin explained the previous system of kais for each region of the universe, how Majin Buu mercilessly took their lives and countless planets along the way. He told her how he'd destroyed the evil wizard, Bibidi and sealed Buu away, how he still fears he could escape and come back for him. How he was made the sole Supreme Kai, and how unready he had been for the change. His guilt and loneliness in the years that followed, how his dreams quickly became nightmares of his fallen comrades and how it led to his fear of falling asleep. And then when the nightmares calmed and became less frequent, he held onto his habits, always feeling tired but too anxious to sleep.

Whenever he would start talking faster and get more emotional she would stop him, holding onto his arm and whispering to him to breathe as he teetered on the edge of hyperventilating. When he could talk again he would continue, and she would listen.

He started to shift to older times, before Majin Buu, before becoming the Supreme Kai. He talked about West and her mischievousness, and positive energy. About North and his familial tendencies, and his wise advice. About South and his overachieving mindset, and inspirational speeches of motivation a tad too loud in volume. And Daikaioh and his kind, carefree spirit, and the way he was always looking out for him.

Shin's mood lifted at the remembrance of the good memories and the journey to live up to what was expected of them they shared. Despite his clear lightened spirits and more relaxed state, Talia kept a loose hold on his upper arm and shoulder. Something Shin greatly appreciated, he would never admit it out loud but it was a nice feeling to be touched without feeling pain or fear.

And when Shin ran out of things to say about his past, he switched to more recent things that he worried about. The small deity felt so comfortable he accidentally let himself say that many of his concerns lately are for her.

"You know, I worry for you more often than not." He confesses without thinking and he can feel her hands tighten slightly around his arm and then release. He pales at the realization of what he's just said and nervously looks over to see her reaction. She looks uneasy, and her brows crease with what he guesses is misunderstanding or anxiety.

"You do…?" He nods with a quiet 'yes' and looks around the room to avoid Talia's eyes.

"Why?" She asks with an edge to her voice that reveals her nervousness, or perhaps her cautiousness.

 _Why?_ Did she think he didn't get concerned when she faints, when she is on her knees clutching her head in pain almost in tears? For her to even bother to _ask_ as if she thinks she can hide her pain forever almost makes him angry enough for his blood to boil over.

"What do you mean, _why?_ You faint so often that I fear you could fall and harm yourself without me being there, you are quite _obviously in pain_ when you drop to the floor holding your head and I am supposed to just _stand there and watch?_ And then you stay in your room for hours and then pretend like nothing happened, and you shoot me down every single time I ask about it, and you expect me to _not_ worry?" Shin was raising his voice now, not really caring what he must look like, all he knows is that he is frustrated and tired, not just because of his lack of sleep but because of the emotional strain of always worrying.

Talia was gaping at him with huge eyes, watching the normally timid and reserved kai unfold all of the fear, frustration, and concern he'd been feeling over her.

"How… can you ask me that? I am trying my best to mind your privacy but what kind of friend to you am I supposed to be if I just ignore your pain? I am sorry but I cannot sit idly by while you suffer such trauma, I have put so much trust In you, and I just… I hoped that you could do the same!"

Shin is breathing hard having used all of his breath, and his shoulders slumped his eyes downcast refusing to look at her. He was confused, he had never broken down in front of anyone before, it left him so vulnerable. Who was he to think she would want to trust him? She needed time, she needed support, but her rejecting his help had eaten away at his normally abundant patience over the course of this year.

He must look so pathetic, so small. Shin felt the shifting of weight on the couch indicating that she had gotten up, he half-expected for her to console him or to say something, he looked up expecting to see her standing in front of him.

But she was gone, he caught a glimpse of a purple blur turning the corner out of the living room.

 **A/n: If anyone is confused when this takes place after the last chapter, it's been about four months. (Talia has been there for about a year now)**

 **Next chapter will come eventually, I already have an idea of how I want it to go.**

 **R &R reviews are always appreciated~**


	7. Chapter 7 (Selfish)

_Abeyance-_

 _Temporary inactivity, cessation, or suspension._

. . .

Talia retreated to her room that night, scared, more fearful than she had felt in a long time. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry, that she wasn't ready to tell him yet, but she ran. She fled because she knew her words would fail her, she felt so sick to her stomach that if she had stayed a moment longer she would have succumbed to her nausea, all over the carpet.

She choked on a sob, her whole body trembling and hot tears dribbling down her face, blurring her vision– not that it mattered with the complete darkness of her room. She leaned her back against the hard, wooden surface of the closed door, hearing it squeak under her weight. She buried her damp face in her hands her crying becoming more intense as she started hiccuping.

She scrambled over to her bed with blind haste, launching herself onto the coverless mattress and burying her tear-stained face into the plush, softness of her pillow. She held onto the pillow as she let herself cry into it, the only sounds to be heard were weak hiccups, small sniffles, and muffled whimpers.

And then her head began to swarm with broken, purple static and she was transported into another flashback, one that wasn't as physically painful. Suddenly her room wasn't dark anymore, and she was bathed in a butter-yellow light, and when she lifted her red, puffy-eyed face from her pillow she realized she wasn't in her room at all.

Again her movements were entirely involuntary as she was reliving a memory, not a dream. She heard soft knocks on the door across the room, and then saw the doorknob twist with a click and allow the wooden door to open. She saw a large, white, gloved hand emerge from the space between the door. But she squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face back into the pillow before she could see more, irritation from not being able to see who it was bubbled dimly in her chest.

Talia heard the door close with another click and heavy footsteps approach her bedside. And then 'felt' the intruder ungracefully place their weight down onto the side of the bed, the force quite literally causing her to be launched up from the mattress a good foot or two and then fall back down on her stomach.

"What's up with you?" She hears them ask in a seemingly disinterested and gravelly voice, the raspiness of it making her mentally cringe, it sounded like it hurt to speak. To present Talia's frustration, she didn't look up from her pillow.

"Nothing, go away." Was her dismissive, almost hostile response, and it earned a scoff from the receiver of it.

"Y'know," They started, a small clicking sound followed by something small catching fire caught her attention. She could practically remember the smell of smoke that followed. "That I'm not gonna leave ya alone 'til you tell me why you've been in bed all day."

Talia finally rolled over on her back with an exasperated sigh of mostly annoyance and moved to sit up on her knees facing him directly. If present Talia had been in control of her body, her heart would have frozen over.

She was met with huge lilac eyes, with a line dividing the halves of the irises, a round blue face with what looked like makeup or paint above his eyelids, around his wide mouth like a second pair of lips. He had a yellow sphere for a nose, strange ears, and a black hat, most likely a beret.

Not to mention the yellow, ruffled collar surrounding his neck and his strange clothing. He looked like a clown, obviously but the metal cigar between his teeth tainted the childish image of a circus carnie. It was him. From her first flash after waking up on that ship, in that blood-stained corridor, that was who she had seen. What really caught her attention was the white gloves he wore over thick fingers, it was most definitely the hand she'd seen just moments before fleeing to the kitchen hour earlier. The only difference was his gloves, they had been soaked with wet blood, but now they were clean.

"You gonna fess up or what?" He asks impatiently, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke through his teeth and ears. "Or am I gonna have 'ta force it outta ya?"

"You talk too much." Past Talia grumbled with a scowl crossing her arms and leaning against the headboard, not interested in talking about anything at all.

"And you aren't talking enough, my patience isn't endless," He says returning a stern glare in her direction, he really wasn't going to leave until she said something. "Just tell me what's botherin' you so much that ya can't talk 'ta me- your best friend might I add?"

"I just… I have this sick feeling." She finally says and receives a puzzled look from the clown sitting at the edge of her bed.

"Uh… okay? Care 'ta elaborate a bit more on 'a sick feeling'?" He asks warily, obviously not knowing what she was talking about. Talia groans sliding down the headboard until she is laying on her back again, throwing an arm over her eyes.

"I-I don't know! I just feel… drained, kind of sad but for no reason at all. I don't know why I feel so bad right now, I feel light-headed and dizzy when I move too much and my chest hurts and I can't concentrate."

The clown looks hopelessly confused, lost even. His small brows creasing and his huge eyes squinting almost half of the size they were, smoke leaking out of his mouth with the puzzled expression he held.

"I'm… not sure I'm following," He says, and Talia can't faintly remember the feeling of hopelessness in that moment. "Are you like… sick?"

Talia paused for a moment and then shrugged, "I don't know."

"What do ya mean you don't know?!" Pogo exclaimed throwing his hands- and almost his cigar- into the air.

"I mean, _I don't know!_ I've never had an illness before, how should I know?" Talia retorted, despite the natural softer tones to her voice. In her case, this was as close to yelling as she could get. "I didn't think kais _could_ get ill!"

"Well, _obviously_ they can!" Pogo growled not necessarily angry, but rather confused, but not getting something always led to him being angry so there really was no difference.

"Stop yelling!" Talia snapped back, both of them frustrated with each other.

"You're yellin' too!"

"Oh my god, you're annoying!" She exclaims with a dramatic sigh and flops down on the bed in her melodramatic moment. There is a few minutes of silence as they both allow each other to cool off.

"So, what's the matter? Headache? Bellyache? Monthly cy-"

"No!" Talia interrupts him frantically tossing a pillow in the general direction of his face, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. Pogo let the pillow bounce off his face, flicking the significantly shorter cigar from his lips to the trash across the room.

"It's just… a horrible migraine and I feel nauseous, kind of dizzy as well. It's hard to explain." She explains, trying to describe her symptoms the best she could with a hazy mind and a painful ache burning around her temples and neck. Out of habit, she lifts her hands to her neck to try and soothe the agitated muscles, she tilted her head to the opposite side of her afflicted nerves in her neck.

Talia can vaguely recall the persistent throbbing pain in her head, and it was a most unpleasant physical experience. Similar to the sharp, scream-worthy pain in her head when she got intense flashes, each one affected her body differently.

The most traumatic one she'd had caused her to have a seizure, one of the scariest moments in her life- that she could remember experiencing. She was beginning to wonder if she had some sort of head or brain injury, it would explain the constant pain, and maybe even her memory loss. Present Talia refocused her attention on the scene that was still playing out before her eyes, not wanting to miss anything important.

"Here let me see… " Pogo reaches out to her face to cover her forehead with his gloved hand, but the abrupt familiarity of it causes the scene to break. At first, it just seems to pause and glitch with dark purple static, but then everything dissolves and Talia's head shoots up from the pillow.

She's back in her room now, and there's sunlight peeking through the curtains of her window shining in her eyes when the curtain moved to the side. The small kai sighed and let her warm forehead collapse into the plush pillow once more, she knew this morning was going to be an awkward one, hopefully, Shin would not bring it up.

Her eyes flickered to check the time and she hauled herself off of her bed covers and padded over to her generous-sized closet. She only used up less than one-fourth of the closet space, she didn't really have many changes of clothes, just another duplicate of her uniform and night clothes. Talia took out her other uniform they let her wear and closed the closet.

Kibito could materialize clothing right? Maybe she could ask him to make her more clothes to wear since she can't really go anywhere to acquire more.

She scampered into the bathroom she had to herself and put her change of clothes on the marble counter, looking at her frazzled appearance in the unavoidable mirror was probably a mistake. Her hair was a tangled mess, and her eyes were surrounded with round red circles, she looked as awful as she felt.

Talia shook her head and started filling the tub for a much-needed bath, she could deal with last night's events later.

. . .

When Talia finally did step out of her room, she did so cautiously, she didn't seek out Shin right away like she normally did. Instead, she tried to find his servant, sensing his Ki was a difficult thing to do, kai's repressed their Ki signatures very well. She jumped when her vision suddenly went dark, all she could see were heat signatures now, she didn't know she could do this.

Choosing to appreciate it rather than question it, she looked for Kibito's, it wasn't long before she found him. He was a couple halls down, cleaning most likely. Looking hesitantly for Shin's signature she found him in his study, good.

Talia took off in the direction she assumed Kibito was, and the moment she turned the corner she caught sight of the tall kai moving vases back onto a shelf. She strode down the hall waiting for him to notice her presence, which he had already sensed a few turns ago but he hadn't thought much of it.

Kibito turned away from what he was doing to look down at the much shorter frame of Talia, who was craning her neck to look up at him with inverted eyes. The sclera of her eyes now black, and her pupils a pearly white, the irises a bit lighter than normal.

As if the ability had sensed it had served its purpose it deactivated, her eyes fading back to their original hue. This seemed to unnerve Kibito, and Talia was unaware that they had changed so she blinked right back.

"Is there something you need?" He finally says after an uncomfortable silence, and Talia is thankful for his conversation starter- if you could really call it that.

"Oh- Yes, actually. I wanted to ask if you could make me more clothes… like… more casual ones?" Kibito looks mildly surprised but genuinely considers her request, before nodding his approval of it. "Thank you, Kibito."

"It is not a bother to me, I will finish up cleaning first, however." Talia nods in agreement, and the stoic shin-jin turns back to his task. Watching him wipe the dust from more shelves and surfaces compels her to pick up a rag of her own and start cleaning the large glass window of the hall. For some reason cleaning was helping her keep busy around here, she didn't do it compulsively, but it helped her unwind.

She hadn't done it around either of the other residents and didn't really want to mention it to avoid being put in an uncomfortable confrontational situation. Both of them had tried insisting that she didn't need to clean up, but she made it clear that she felt uneasy leaving, or seeing messes.

Kibito took notice of her cleaning the windows, now on the second or third one. It confused him because he didn't even ask for assistance or think the glass was all that bad yet to need clearing. Remembering her insistence to keep things neat he dismissed his stare and moved on to dust off other surfaces, he did not pay much attention to her throughout the next hour. That was until he saw her scrubbing the floors, and that she had already done more than half of this hall and the whole other one.

"Miss Talia, do you desire assistance?" Kibito calls out dryly, and her head lifts from her work.

"No, thank you!" she shouts back down the hall, and returns to the wood floors on her hands and knees like a housemaid. It did not even seem to bother her, she looked relaxed.

. . .

Shin is in his study buried in his work, sketching out ideas and demographics for the next batch of planets he'd have to create within a decent time frame. The one he was working on currently was conceptually a mostly water world and would be fairly cold, and desolate being a planet so far away from a sun.

He couldn't help but look at the time every now and then, and glancing over to the unusually empty chair, half-expecting- or rather hoping- to see her sitting in it buried nose-deep in a book. It felt odd without her presence, and the empty feeling of guilt settled unevenly in his stomach. Perhaps he should not have said all the things he did last night, he did not regret himself venting his heart out to her, but rather insisting that she did the same so selfishly, what kind of person does that?

It was low for him to guilt-trip her into telling him her own personal issues when he had no way of knowing what she was dealing with. But… at the same time, he was worried about her, and she was always so dismissive and closed off about it that it became unbearable to keep to himself in that moment of vulnerability.

Perhaps the most frustrating part of it all was that she was giving so much and refusing to receive anything in return. He was a humble kai, and naturally wanted to give things to people without expecting anything in return, but he knew the right times to be selfish and selfless.

Shin sighed glancing over at the empty armchair and then the time again, and set down his pen on the smooth marble of the desktop. He would apologize to her whether she accepted it or not.

Maybe today was a good day to be selfish.

. . .

 **A/n: Sorry that it took me so long to finish this chapter, been busy with mid-term exams!**

 **I apologize if there are any grammatical errors, didn't have much energy to proofread.**

 **I'll start the next chapter soon, suggestions or questions are welcome, just PM me!**


	8. Chapter 8 (Breathe)

_Opia-_

 _The ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable._

. . .

Talia stepped back from a fuller closet hours later, her knees sore from being pressed against wood floors as she scrubbed halls and halls of them. The lingering taste of Herbal Tea on her lips and tongue from the pot of it she shared with Kibito after cleaning up around the estate. And just after that, the stoic kai that had previously intimidated her had helped her expand her wardrobe with a surprising amount of knowledge, it was like he's been a tailor before becoming the Supreme Kai's servant.

The younger, yet almost equally quiet shin-jin wouldn't have ever guessed she'd bond with him, especially over such trivial things like cleaning and clothing. It was almost too easy to relax with him over tea afterward... though she was starting to remember some of her preferences in beverages like fruity drinks and the occasional cup of coffee.

When she asked Kibito where they got all of their food and basic necessities he had stated that they had a monthly messenger of sorts that went from planet to planet to deliver them. She must not have been in the right place at the right time to see him when he would make the shipments she supposed.

"Is he a Kai?" Talia asks him, and the naive innocence of the question almost makes him want to chuckle, almost.

"The messenger? No, of course not. He is a race from a nearby cluster of planets called _The Choleric Circle_. The Grand Kai has known him for quite some time, and adjusted his rounds to stop here about fifteen years ago." Kibito clarifies, and Talia nods with raised eyebrows, clearly interested and a silent question almost visibly floating at the top of her head.

"We Kais are few in number, only a scarce few of us are created at a time on our home planet, Kaishin. And we are brought up specifically to serve a purpose in the Omniverse, whether it be minor duties, apprenticeship, or more important roles such as universal observation."

"Is that… why you were skeptical of me when I first arrived here?" She asks, suddenly making sense of their confusion and initial uncertainty that she was actually of their race, it made sense now that they hadn't believed her.

"Indeed," Kibito nodded, taking a thoughtful sip of his tea before continuing his thought. "We are still at a standstill about why you were simply... wandering around in this universe. Aside from the Grand and King Kais, as well as their respective regionals, there is no other purpose for one of our own to be in Universe Seven."

Talia recognizes this moment as an opportunity to coax more information from him. As reserved as he was with her before, he was obviously willing to correct and debunk her questions now, and she wasn't going to let the opportunity go to waste with all the questions brewing in her mind.

"But… you're a Kai too, and you do not fill in those roles?" Talia says as much more of an inquiry than an actual statement. For she knew little of how the universes worked, sure, she'd spent long hours going over the basics with Shin, but this level of understanding about such an intricate system took years to fully comprehend. And Kibito surely knows a lot about it, hell, he could say he was the king of the universe and she'd probably believe him. Credibility is everything.

"That isn't entirely true, my purpose here is to be an attendant of sorts to our Supreme Kai." Talia nods, leaning in onto her elbows in her deep interest. She was literally at the edge of her seat with all the answers she was receiving all at once. "Many of the other Universes' Kais have servants, but the large majority prefer their apprentices to fill in similar roles."

Kibito knows what she's doing. She's hanging onto every word, every syllable, starving for answers to all the questions that must eat away at her every day, and even with his natural impulse for secrecy, he could not find it in himself to deny her whatever information she desired. Perhaps he pitied her, or maybe just was glad to have someone other than his Master to talk to and this was the easiest way to keep her attention.

"So, Shin does not have an apprentice?" She asks, and Kibito shakes his head in agreement.

"No, he has only been the Supreme Kai of Universe Seven for two decades, he still has a long life of service ahead of him." Kibito clarifies a-matter-of-factly, mentally flipping through every text he remembers reading back in his much much younger years. "Kais only feel the need to seek out an apprentice when they are reaching the peak of their lifespans... or have a high mortal population."

Talia doesn't mean to tune his explanation out, but the foreign information she had first craved was quickly becoming too much for her to process all at once... and it was exceedingly difficult to pay attention when someone is burning holes in the back of your head.

Wait—Holes in the back of…? Talia's head whips around.

Shin stands in the entryway to the dining area, and Kibito bows his head in a respectful greeting to his master, the smaller Kai returns the gesture. Shin finally peers over at Talia, his dark eyes swirling with a distinct kind of anxiety. _Breathe. Just breathe._

Shin exhales a silent breath and his composure is quickly restored, he folds his hands behind his back and strides into the room.

"I thought I'd find you two in here," It's something hard to respond to, not a question but an introduction to a conversation Talia did not know how to continue. Shin is inspecting her reaction closely, his perceptive eyes searching for something. Whatever that something was, he must not have found it because his eyes drift to the wooden panels of the floor.

"Kibito," He starts and the stoic figure stands up at attention. Talia has to resist the strong urge to follow, reminding herself that she had not been addressed and should remain seated. "May I have a word with Talia, in private?"

Kibito looks mildly perplexed—or possibly simply amused—as he nods, bowing his head to both of them as he takes his leave. Talia shifts uncomfortably in the silence that follows, surprised to discover that she had felt rather shielded in the older Kai's presence. She felt bare and exposed now.

Her tension is so dense, Shin can almost feel her discomfort. He laments on the thought for a moment, before reminding himself that he was not here to negotiate with his anxieties but to pay his respects to a friend he's just wronged. He squares his shoulders and sits on the stool across from Talia, sweaty hands un-clenching to lay flat on the table's surface. Her eyes follow his every movement.

"About last night," Shin starts, and stops, realizing he'd let the words come out sounding too solemn and reels his emotions back in with a deep breath and bravely meets her downcast eyes. Instead of the anger, he was expecting, he sees a look on her face that can only be described as ashamed, guilty beyond belief. And it momentarily stumps him. "I…"

"I want to apologize for my unorthodox behavior, you did not deserve to see that—" Shin begins, a long heartful ramble of an apology readily sitting on the tip of his tongue before he is interrupted.

"No, I was happy to lift the weight from your shoulders, Shin, please do not apologize for being vulnerable. For being huma-... for being _alive_." Talia immediately declares, faltering only at her misspoken ending words. And Shin looks shocked before her, wide slanted eyes staring at her with an expression she couldn't identify. "I should be sorry… for… not being able to show the same sentiment."

Shin is gaping at her confession, not at all expecting this answer above all other ones. Even the ones that consisted of her screaming at him. For a moment he was afraid to speak, fearful that if he said the wrong thing she might take everything back or close up again. _Breathe._

He gulped down his nervousness and spoke anyways, trying to tread carefully.

"Apologize? Apologize for what? Needing time to recover before opening up to someone you barely know?" Talia glanced up at him, puzzled. And Shin gave her a weak, half-hearted smile in response. "I should not have pushed you last night, after what you had done for me, I only wished to help you in return. And I only managed to make you uncomfortable, for that, I am sorry."

Talia pressed her lips together into a thin line, taking in his words to be carefully dissected and processed. She felt the queasy feeling of unease bubble unpleasantly in her stomach as she briefly went over what she was about to do, about to say. She wanted to keep it down if she were to truly mean everything she was about to say. Calming herself was only the first half of the battle, getting coherent, meaningful words out in a way that made sense was the other.

"I was… afraid, Shin." Shin's pointed ears perked up and twitched at the sound of his name, and he leaned in closer on his seat to hear the quiet tone of voice she'd chosen to let the words tumble out in. Was she? Was she really?

"Afraid of what?" Shin found himself asking after a minute or so, as if he needed to hear the answer more than anything. She can't just leave him hanging like that, not with her thoughts still so easily accessible, no matter how adamant he was to preserve her privacy.

"Shin, I… I've been _seeing_ things. Things I don't understand, things I don't remember… things that… terrify me." The miserable, helpless whimper that shakes in her throat as she speaks breaks his heart, because she truly is trying to be brave and voice her problems. Even though they clearly leave her in pain. "And I… the dreams I've been having."

She stutters, and her breath hitches, she struggles to calm herself down. Struck with an unfamiliar impulse, Shin lurches forward and takes her hands, thin fingers applying comforting pressure around her knuckles. The touch is highly unexpected for both of them, Talia startles and her glossy eyes search him, flickering between their linked hands and his face. Shin shudders at the contact but otherwise doesn't make an effort to pull his hands away.

It was as if he could suddenly feel an ounce of what she was feeling. _Breathe. I'm here. Breathe._

Talia takes a deep breath and decides to enjoy the touch instead of question it, thankful for the physical anchor she needed to hang onto before she continued, just in case she drifted too far out into the sea of her darkness.

"Before I ended up here, I woke up on a ship. With no memories, no recollection of anything, no direction… nothing. Every time I tried to remember something stopped me, stifling every attempt. And then, as I wandered I started to have flashes… each one crippling and more painful than the last… of things—of _people_ —I don't know, did know?" Talia sighs, smothering the gentle urge to rub her temples. Shin is patient and waits for her to continue.

"The flashes have not stopped. In fact, it seems that they are becoming more frequent… lately, I've had dreams where I'm both there and not at the same time. Like I'm just there to observe while still being well... there. I see a clown and a yellow man in almost all of them, I feel like I know them… but I cannot remember them." The shorter Kai in front of her nods, and his thumb brushes over the scabbed bite-marks littering her knuckles, unnoticeable from a distance, but up close he can see them clearly.

Talia follows his eyes to her knuckles and flushes, and Shine makes a noise that sounds like a question. It's obvious what he's asking.

"They get so bad that I bite them to distract myself from the pain… they aren't as bad as they look." Talia reassures, and Shin decides to believe her, and ask no more about it.

"And of these things you see… in these flashes, are you able to see connections? Things that seem to relate to others?" He asks, and Talia's eyes appear conflicted, then embarrassed, then determined. When she nods, she reluctantly drags her hands from his own and stands.

"Yes… I… well, I might as well just show you, If you'll let me?" She offers a hand to the surprised shape of Shin, who looks eager to jump at the gracious opportunity, but also hesitant to seem too needy, too eager, perhaps? His mind made up, he evades the urge to insincerely smile, and rises, sliding his hand into hers.

"Of course."

. . .

 **A/n: And that's where I'll end this chapter! But don't worry, the next is already in progress as I speak. I also want to apologize for the incredibly long wait for this update, progress was at a standstill for a few months. But my enthusiasm for this story is going strong, and so is the writing! R &R, every little thing counts! **

_**(also, so sorry for the huge info-dump in here, had a lot to unload, sorry if it's a bit exhausting to read)**_


	9. Chapter 9 (Unveiled)

_Velleity-_

 _A wish or inclination which is not strong enough to lead one to take action._

 _. ._.

Talia leads Shin to her room, and the first thing the easily-flustered kai thinks is that _he's in her personal space_ , and therefore was struck with an unsettling and sudden feeling of foreboding, that he shouldn't be in here. But he swallows down his modesty, watching her stride over to her closet, leaving him standing in the center of her room. If awkwardness had a face, well, there it is.

Talia huffs in what sounds like frustration, mumbling to herself as she quickly retrieves a stool from her desk to step onto. Shin can't help but grin, she really did remind him of his younger self. And he is also reminded that Talia does not, in fact, know how to fly. He'll have to teach her one of these days, he thinks, trying to occupy himself for the time being.

Finally, Talia makes a victorious sound from her perch upon the stool, and her heeled feet make a clicking sound as she hops off of it. She approaches him carrying what looks to be a torn, fading purple scarf of sorts, she wraps the length of the tattered fabric around her palm and wrist and then kneels on the wooden panels of the floor. Shin follows suit, curiously eyeing the scrap of purple linen, unsuspicious in its entirety.

"What… what _is_ this?" Shin asks, brushing his fingers delicately over the rather plain garment, pulling off a stray string from the jagged, ripped end.

"Eh, well… I guess the easiest way to explain it is a mess," Talia chuckles light-heartedly, watching Shin as he stares quizzically at the _thing_ around her wrist. And Shin can't help but agree, it's just that, but… more. "This was hanging around my neck when I woke up back on that ship."

"It may appear insignificant, but I experience much more vivid flashes when I'm in contact with this, and normally, just a touch can trigger one," Talia explains, lifting the scarf tied around her wrist for emphasis. "I can drag myself into a flash lucid enough to mentally explore, as long as I have a focus, which is where this comes in."

"So, like a mental state you may control, similar to meditation?" Shin asks, recalling multiple texts he's read about out of body experiences and 'safe places' that meditation can inspire. It's not unheard of to be able to explore memories through mindful education, almost like magic, but much less broad, and easier to understand.

"Not necessarily, it is but it isn't at the same time. I'm manually searching my own mind for things I already knew, rather than predicting things that it doesn't."

"And, what of those do you think you can explain to me… in a... a language I can understand that is?" Shin asks with a sheepish half-smile, hoping to receive some sort of direction.

"I don't have to actually, If I do it right, I might be able to bring you into one of my flashes… _I think_."

 _Wow, reassuring._

Shin's eyes are as wide as they are lost, and Talia knows then that she's lost him somewhere. And when he seems to process that information, he looks incredibly conflicted, hesitant. Talia offers her hands to him, and he stares at her open palms for a long time, his anxiety spiking rather strongly. His worriful eyes meet the calm, inviting gaze of her own, the blue in them almost whisking his reluctance away in their confidence. She was confident in her ability to show him what he's been asking to know for almost a year, so he shouldn't doubt her.

Shin sighs, defeatedly and smiles relentingly, his tense shoulders going slack as he slides his fingers into hers conformingly. He trusts her, he states rather unnecessarily to himself, as if it were something he'd only just now realized. Deep down, he truly hopes this works.

"Okay."

" _Okay?_ " She repeats as a question, looking surprised that he had agreed. Shin feels a gentle fondness manifest within his chest and his smile widens as his amusement grows. He lives for her reactions to even the simplest of things, anticipates them even.

"Okay, as in ' _I'll do it'_." He chuckles, watching her expressions closely as they shift and change fluidly. Her eyes almost seem to glow in her excitement, and somehow he can feel a strong wave of gratitude wash over him, but it isn't _his._

"Wonderful!" She looks so excited it's almost uncharacteristic, her spirits bursting at the seams with his compliance. "Thank you I—! _ehm_ , thank you, I don't like… I don't like going there on my own."

Shin melts and cracks at the same time upon hearing her confession, and he knows straight away that he's made the right decision, no matter what happens. Talia's grip around his hands becomes firm as her expression grows serious, scooting forward on her knees so there is minimal space between them as they face one another. But before the lavender-haired kai does anything, she needs to say something.

"I will warn you, I have no idea what kind of flashback we might be thrown into if this works," Talia swallows thickly, but the action does little to help her breathe properly as her heartbeat becomes irregular with uncertainty. "I have no way of telling what you might see."

Shin squeezes her hands reassuringly and takes a deep breath before nodding. Although he was thankful for her warning, it may not be enough to prepare him for this.

Talia inhales through her nose and closes her eyes, focusing on the tattered fabric wrapped around her wrist and letting her subconscious ease her—them—into her mind, somewhere deep within her memory and the familiar, dreadful flurry of purple static and the deafening sound of white noise returns. She hears Shin gasp across from her, but the sound is lost on her completely when she is encapsulated by an all too familiar pain. She clenches her teeth and her chest tightens under the onslaught of major discomfort.

Shin almost opens his eyes at the sharp grip Talia has around his fingers, his ear twitching at every pained sound that escapes from the woman in front of him. Shin's breath hitched as the world around him falls away, and another swallows him into its abyss. The next thing he can comprehend is being surrounded by a cold mass of— _water._ He opens his eyes, but the water is too murky to see anything. He swims up towards what he thinks is the surface, but is stopped when a hand clenches around his wrist and tugs him downwards—and he falls out of the water into a purple hayfield.

The short shin-jin tilts his head back and gapes at the large body of water seemingly floating in mid-air above him, his clothes aren't even wet.

"Strange, isn't it?" Comes the slightly-breathless voice of Talia, and he jumps ever so slightly, turning his face to her. She looks… different.

Her hair is shorter, much shorter than he remembers, and she's dressed in black, purple and gold. Even the way she looks at him feels different. He jerks his gaze down at himself to ensure that he hasn't changed, and thankfully, he hasn't. He also just not notices that his hands are still intertwined with hers, like they never left.

"Are- are you—" He starts, and she notices his unease.

"Yes, It's still me." She answers though it sounds more like a promise.

Shin lets out a fleeting breath of relief and is shocked when bubbles emerge with it. He blinks doe-ishly and tips his head to the girl in front of him for guidance. She only smiles and shrugs, offering him no real explanation.

It's also then when he realized how… drained she looks. She appears to slump rather than kneel, her breathing still heavy and her eyes half-lidded with exhaustion. Not only that, but she was bleeding. A thin stream of blood trickled from her nose and Shin is overcome with the impulse to wipe it away, but she weakly stops his hand from moving far.

"Don't, we might lose one another if we let go, again." The lilac-skinned kaioshin thinks back to their arrival, where he'd been surrounded by water before she dragged him out. That must be what she means by 'losing one another' Still, he voices his concerns for her.

"Are you alright?" Talia responds with a grunt, though he can't tell if it's an affirmative or negatory, he can only hope for the latter. She's starting to sweat too, it drips from her brow and down the side of her face. Not at all satisfied with her sad-excuse of an answer, he asks again, more firmly this time. " _Are you alright_ , Talia?"

She nods with her eyes closed, breathing in slowly and leaning back on her heels. The blood dripping from her nose disappears, and she suddenly looks much more awake, aware too.

"Yes, I'm fine, just _tired_." Shin can't argue, because she looks to be just that.

"A-and It's pretty painful r-right now, It might be because I have to hold us b-both here." And as she says 'here' she looks around at their surroundings, taking in the large field of violet they were currently sitting in. Shin does the same, each detail vivid and photographic. Talia stands up from the indent in the field they had landed in and urges him to follow her as she wanders through the reeds of lavender hay and grain.

Regarding her earlier warning, the small kai keeps a tight grip on her hand. Together they reach the edge of the field and are greeted with a rather unexpected sight.

In the distance, two figures are fighting. Shin looks closer with his enhanced vision to better identify the two battling figures, but Talia knows exactly who they are the moment she sees them. Talia tugs on his hand and sits down at the edge of the field on the purple grass below, he sits across from the other, drowsier kai, folding his legs beneath him.

"Is that... them? The ones you spoke of earlier?" Shin asks, and nods. He glances over to the distant figures and watches the two of them fight in earnest, though obviously not with the viscerous intention to cause lethal harm.

"So, where do we begin?" He starts, more than ready to hear everything she has to say with all the confusing, unfathomable things he's seen in this… place.

"Well, firstly, I normally only see those two in my flashes… so we start there." Talia shifts her watchful eyes over to the scene playing out several yards away from where they sat, they wouldn't have too much time to speak if they waited too long and the flash ended. "They only started talking to me recently, aside from the very first flash I had of Pogo, where I recovered my name."

Wincing and raising a hand to her temples as the pain worsens, she struggles to squeeze out more words but begrudgingly continues to speak through it.

"They… appear to be old friends I must've had, my flashbacks only play scattered scenes for me to see, and more intricate memories when I'm asleep. Such as the one I had last night… about… Pogo." Talia trails off, and Shin sends her a worried, flickering look. She's blinking rapidly as if trying to clear something but shakes out of it relatively quickly. Her behavior is making him incredibly antsy.

"He and I were talking… about a sickness I seemed to have." Talia recalls, almost as if she'd just realized something.

A sickness? How? He didn't think his kind was capable of falling ill, simply because of the many many years that their immune system has had to build, making them almost immortally immune to diseases.

"A sickness? Of what kind?"

"I'm not sure… but I mentioned intense migraines, inexplicable sadness, and exhaustion… not… unlike the kind of symptoms, I suffer from during my flashes." Talia admits, wondering if maybe her current state of—er—severe amnesia? Had anything to do with this illness she'd spoken to the clown about in her memory. "Do you think—"

"Do you think—" They both start at the same time, and immediately cut themselves off upon their simultaneous inquiry. They share a soft, light-hearted laugh before refocusing on the task at hand.

"You first," Talia rolls her eyes at Shin's playful insistence but continues her previous thought, although somehow aware that they just had the same question.

"Do you surmise this illness of mine has any connections to my amnesia?" Talia finishes for the both of them, and Shin quirks an eyebrow when she refers to amnesia. He wasn't sure her condition's intense symptoms remained in the bounds of a case of curable amnesia. And that thought and the way she trembles with a kind of pain he can't imagine at this very moment concerns him deeply.

In spite of his worriment, Shin nods in agreement.

"Your recent remembrance suggests so, but I do not think that what you described in it equates to full memory loss, especially considering that your mind seems to think it is imperative you remember, no matter how much pain it causes you…" Shin falters upon mentioning that final detail, still trying to cope with the knowledge that she's been experiencing these things for almost a year without guidance or support.

"Maybe… that is just how it started out," Talia suggests, trying to put her theory into words he could make sense of since the majority of her mental notes are pretty damn confusing to anyone else. Shin raises his brows and urges her to continue, insinuating that he was listening.

"Maybe, It started out small, unnoticeable. Like a cold." Shin snorts at the word, and Talia sighs scrunching up her face in a small pout. She wanted him to take her seriously. "Just hear me out."

The smaller Kai across from her sighs and nods, and respectfully allows her to continue without further interruptions, well, the ones he could help anyways. She was shaking now, and even if the way she talked seemed calm, every part of her body language screamed otherwise as it struggled to contain the tremors.

"It could have started out as a small cold, that worsened with time untreated… and evolved into something strong enough to completely wipe my memory with its intensity." Shin's head bobs up and down, and he ponders on the idea. It made enough sense, but something didn't quite add up.

"But why would it purge your memory, and then try to force it to recover? It seems your mind wishes to regain what it has lost… and yet your body harshly resists." Shin thinks out loud, pulling the flesh of his inner cheek in between his nervously clicking teeth.

As if on cue, Talia almost collapses as he utters the last part of his thought. The supreme kai surges forward to grab her shoulder—with his one free hand—and steady her as she tips forward. Her hand reaches for the one on her shoulder and tugs at his shaking fingers, he doesn't budge though, not trusting her to stay upright.

"We should stop, I don't want you to hurt yourself," Shin states firmly, hoping she'd come quietly and not argue. Talia nods weakly, and Shin feels the relief wash over him as soon as she leans forward to rest her burning forehead against his shoulder, her free arm bracketing around his back. The gesture is less of a hug as it is a gentle reassurance that she won't lose him on the way back. She closes her eyes, and he does the same, almost feeling the rift as they fall from the memory and almost collapse onto the wood floors of Talia's room.

. . .

 **A/n: This chapter came surprisingly quick to me, and it got long realllly fast. Hopefully, the trend continues~**

 **Anyways, RR I always enjoy reading your reviews! And if any of you have suggestions, feel free to PM me!**

 **(Sorry for my compulsive need to add a million commas in my writing XD)**


	10. Chapter 10 (Rest)

_Ataraxia-_

 _A state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquility._

. . .

The ebony abyss of blackness parts as her eyes crack open, the sunlight peeking in through the window is shining in her eyes uncomfortably, but Talia is too out of it to care. And, in too much pain to even move it seemed. Slowly, the ache dulled, and she could start to breathe again. The pink-skinned kai inhales deeply and the movement startles Shin, who has her head cradled in his lap as she is still splayed across the floor. Her long tendrils of hair surround her body in sleek lavender waves.

Her half-lidded crystal eyes roll to meet his as her head tilt's up, his image upside down in her position. The crease between Shin's brow is so deep at this point she fears it may stick like that if he kept worrying about her. Hearing her sleepy thoughts, Shin smiles lazily down at the cheeky a Kai below.

"Perhaps you should stop giving me reasons to worry then." He chuckles lightly, and while her lips can only manage to lift one corner into a sideways grin, her blue eyes are smiling at him brightly, and adoringly.

Talia almost wishes to stay right here, for as long as time would let them, just basking in one another's lighthearted company. But, of course, nothing truly can last forever, and there are many things Shin still needs to do today. Talia stretches out her stiff limbs until she slides flat onto the wood floor, and drags herself up onto her feet with Shin close behind—worried that she may still fall—and she looks outside at the darkening sky.

"I have to get some work finished tonight," He says, though looking like he wanted to do anything but. "You are more than welcome to join me in my study…"

"I'd love to."

. . .

A week easily passes by, and the two are no further apart since their shared experience in Talia's mind. Their closeness only grows, and their trust in one another only strengthens the longer they spend time within the other's company. They've managed to concoct a few more theories about her condition and the strings of information that held her flashes and their ideas together. Currently, the only two explanations they find probable is the illness they spoke of in Talia's flash, and one suggesting that an outside source, person, or thing played a bigger role in her memory's erasure.

"I don't see why anyone or anything would have such ill-will against you, but I suppose it makes sense hypothetically speaking," The Supreme Kai says, though the statement does little to throw them out of the loop that keeps sending them back to square one. "Bad blood is dangerous among divine beings."

And that's just the honest, cruel truth. It is important for deities like himself and Talia to steer clear of conflict with other divine beings, simply because an angry god means one huge problem. He should know, he had to constantly remind West not to get too smart with Lord Beerus, and the one time he couldn't almost half-a-quadrant was wiped by the rampaging destruction god. Long story short Shin has learned to hold his tongue and keep the backtalk behind his teeth, no matter how much of a careless, infuriating imbecile Beerus was.

Talia may not have a status nearly as high and prestigious as himself or the Grand Kai, but it still put her livelihood in danger by simply existing. And considering that she wasn't a part of the omniversal system, she was considered a rogue Kai back then and even now. The very word sounded odd, almost absurd to say because until just a year ago no one believed runaway Kai's existed.

"What I'm not understanding, is how I, as small as I was then, and as docile as I am _now_ , how in the seven hells I managed to piss someone off enough to do this." Talia groaned with an exasperated sigh. She was slumped on the floor of Shin's study, laying sideways with her cheek resting on her palm, the pressure squishing her cheek and emphasizing her bored expression.

Shin, who was lying flat on his stomach snorted, pushing aside another lost-cause book into their growing stack of useless texts. In between them, there are piles of notes—mostly mindless doodles and dead-ends—, another stack of thick, dust-layered works they had yet to explore, and their two respective cups of lukewarm tea. They'd emptied the pot hours ago, but neither of them felt like getting up to make another.

"Ughhh, I need more caffeine." Talia moans, rubbing her aching temples with the pads of her fingertips. It seems Shin's love for tea has rubbed off on her impressively fast, and she is beginning to understand why he can't get enough of the sweet stuff. The stress it relieves is almost liberating.

Hoping his servant is nearby to hear him, the small shin-jin calls for him. Kibito steps into the room not a moment later, steely black eyes flickering curiously around the clutter of their work with an amused gleam.

"You needed me, Master?" He answers, arms folded behind his back in the usual way Kai's always seemed to.

"We need more tea," Shin is too exhausted for politeness or professional speaking, and although Kibito hardly minded, Talia was quick to scold him.

"Please." She adds, the sound sounding like a hiss in her friend's direction, who flinches at the harsh metaphorical nudge to his ribs.

" _Please."_ Shin mirrors the phrase with a sigh and roll of his dark eyes, and Kibito can only silently take in the exchange with raised brows. He was sure just a week ago those two were in some sort of rut, must've not lasted long.

"Of course, It'll just take a moment." Kibito leaves the room in a flash of red, his robes swishing behind him as he turns. The two listen to his heavy footsteps echo through the hall until they fall into silence once more.

"You should get some rest," Talia sighs bluntly from her spot, and his dark eyes shift to meet hers with minimal interest in the comment. Talia stares back at him with a firm gaze as he attempts to wait it out and side-step the suggestion, but she doesn't relent. "Shin..."

"I'm fine—"

"No _you're not_ , stop it, you need to sleep sooner or later." Talia rolls so she's laying on her stomach as well, resting her chin on both of her hands. He closes his eyes and crosses his arms so he can lean his face into them.

"I will, later." Is his muffled reply. Talia's eyes narrowed.

"And when is 'later'? An hour? A week? Until I stop asking?" Shin winces at the sharp edge of irritation in her voice, and her eyes soften as he tilts his head up just enough to peer at her with one eye, otherwise hiding the rest of his face behind his teal sleeves. "I'm only trying to help you, Shin, even if you won't help yourself."

"I know, I know that… But, I just… I want to make sure I am doing all I can to help you, I wasted a year trying to mind your space, while you suffered in silence, and that's more important." Talia doesn't miss the meaning, nor is she happy with it. She will not let him put her problems above his own.

"No, Shin, it's not," He jerks his head up to look at her, already ready to protest, but whatever words he had saved are lost on his breath when she reaches over the mess they've made to place a cool hand over his. "You have done more than enough for me, you have helped me every day just by being here."

Shin turns his hand over so his palm meets hers and her fingers instantly curl into the spaces of his own, the touch paired with the gratification that he's actually done something good for her enough to send a warm blush to his face.

"This-" She gestures to the piles of books and papers between them. "-can wait. _I_ can wait, it isn't a race for answers, I'm patient with my own capabilities and limitations, I only ask you to do the same," Talia takes his other hand, "And if not for _you_ , then for _me_ , rest."

Shin smiles up at the girl he's had the honor of knowing, and the person she has become and grown to be from that skittish, uncertain Kai she had been when she arrived. He's forgotten what having a friend is like, and yet this experience is different than the kind he shared with his late fellow kaioshins. He's never felt this attached to anyone in his life.

" _Please?"_ He jokes with a shit-eating grin, repeating her earlier insistence of manners. And the other Kai all but rolls her eyes, but returns his smirk graciously.

"Rest, _Please?_ " Talia repeats, heeding his humor just this once by adding in what he wanted to hear.

"Well, since you asked so nicely," Shin only sneers wider at the consuming glare of death she sends his way, admiring the expressiveness of her face as always. Talia's eyes suddenly dart to the door as it opens, and Kibito strides in with a silver tray of freshly-brewed tea.

Kibito eyes them as they jerk their hands away from one another and both sit up into a kneeling position, red-faced and eyes wandering the room uneasily. He only shakes his head and places the tray on the desktop before leaving peacefully, he can hear them both murmur a 'thank you' as he passes through the door and only smiles, suspecting he's just interrupted something promising.

. . .

"I can stay with you if you like." Talia offers out of the blue as they finish cleaning up the mess they'd made with their research and Shin almost drops his cup of tea upon hearing it. Luckily nothing spills before he can steady it back onto the saucer, but that damage done in terms of his easily-embarrassed, jumps-to-the-worst-conclusions type nature.

"Wh-What?" He stutters, stumbling clumsily over his words as they blurt from his throat. Talia peers over her shoulder after placing a book back on the shelf and is greeted by a very, very flustered Kaioshin. She stifles a giggle at his overdramatic reaction and hops off the stool she used to reach the top.

"While you sleep, I mean—If you w- _want_ me too that is—I am uh… Sorry if I overstepped." This time Talia blushes, realizing what that must've sounded like at first, rubbing the back of her neck self-consciously as she awaits his response.

"O-oh, well I…" Shin bites his lip as he thinks, the sheer hesitance in his wavering voice almost enough of an answer for her, but she lets him think about it. Shin is startled when he finds that he does want her to stay, and part of him is screaming a thousand _'yes's'_ while the other, more rational side reminds him of the long list of reasons not to: Not professional, misleading, invasive, too personal, too soon, _intimate_ … _safer…_ _soothing…_ And the list slowly turns into reasons why he wants to. In the end, his more desperate, weaker side wins out and he takes in a shaky breath. He's really going to do this.

"I'd… actually like that, very much, Talia." She looks at him with wide eyes, pleasantly surprised by his final answer. And she felt a warm wave of confusing feelings, relief, wash over her back and settle pleasantly within her chest, fuzzy, and radiating with warmth.

"But only If you're absolutely sure." Shin insists firmly, deep down wishing—begging—for her to say yes once more even if his words betray that feeling.

"I swear to you that I am _absolutely sure_ , _O' Great and Powerful Supreme Kai_." Talia declares overdramatically with one hand over her heart and the other raised up like a pledge, although her untethered grin and the way she tried not to laugh between words only added to the hilarity of her playful speech.

"You are insufferable…" He lets himself joke, although she is anything but insufferable to him. But she _knows that._

 _. . ._

 _ **A/n: That's three consecutive days of consistent updates people, WHO**_ _ **AM**_ _**I?!**_

 _ **I have ascended! … for the time being.**_

 _ **Also, I hope these last three chapters haven't been too boring, I'm planning on spicing things up to get things rolling and more interesting just in case.**_


	11. Chapter 11 (Sleepless? I think not)

_Noceur-_

 _One who sleeps late or not at all._

. . .

The struggle to sleep proved to be much more difficult than he had thought, even if the struggle came to no surprise. And when he finally felt that he could start to doze off, a wave of inexplicable anxiety would wash over him and leave him wide awake, unyielding to the coaxing of sleep. Even with such a calming person just across the room, he just couldn't get over his fears, his pains. His memories… Every time his eyelids drifted shut they'd re-open after swearing to have seen the faces of his lost comrades.

Shin mentally growled in frustration, his exhausted gaze peering over at the calm shape of Talia, who reclined leisurely on the armchair with a book. Although her presence helped, and he would have never even gotten in bed without her insistence, it was a lost cause… he wasn't getting a wink of sleep.

Talia tossed him a worried look from behind her book as she caught him shifting in the corner of her eye, distracting her from doing any real reading at all. She was positive she'd have to flip a few pages back to go over what she'd only half-read. It was almost agonizing to watch him toss and turn, and sigh in frustration as sleep effortlessly evaded him. He really wasn't kidding that night when he'd said that his own rest was "Easier said than done", she thought as she watched the miserable Kai try and fail to count sheep, which she was sure she could hear him mumbling just under his breath.

The idea brought a smile to her lips as her attention straight up abandoned whatever she'd been reading, she can't even remember what. It was as adorable as it was pitiful to watch him go over every remedy he could for one wink of sleep without consequence.

"This is hopeless, Talia, I tell you, _hopeless!_ " Shin sighed melodramatically, flopping his limbs out in a spread eagle beneath the covers. She could do nothing to quell the chuckles emerging from her throat. She was laughing at him. "You _wound_ me."

His accusatory, drowsy tone only sends her careening back—almost off of the chair—with laughter as it shakes her body entirely.

"We have to get you to sleep _somehow_ ," Talia pondered out loud, half to herself as she went over sleep's remedies, at least the ones she could remember using on Ede— _ah, what?_ She remembered using on… Eden? Shaking out of it and deciding that it wasn't important right now. "Have we tried warm milk yet?"

Shin groans at the very mention of the word, scrunching his face up in distaste.

"Hey don't give me that, normal people drink things other than tea you know—" She stops herself mid-sentence as something clicks. Perhaps the subtle memory she'd just gotten of her insomniac friend could be of use... Now as she thinks further, she can just push hard enough to recall making a special kind of Herbal Tea… but… what was the ingredient again? "That's it, we haven't tried tea yet!"

Shin's head pops up to attention at the very mention of the blessed word, his caffeine-craving self practically exploding with the excitement. Talia only laughs at his reaction and eagerness, although Shin hardly cares for his pride as he does getting up and out of bed into the kitchen as quickly as his body—and the tangled sheets—will let him.

"Then what are we waiting for? The suns to rise?!" The short shin-jin exclaims as he tugs his foot free from the stubborn sheets, stumbling to the door with a sideways glance.

. . .

"Ah, what was it again? Vaccinium… Viola… Vitis… Vinegar? No." Shin watched as patiently as humanly—or Kai-ly?—possible as Talia sifted through "The Tea Cabinet" in all it's wonderful, expansive glory for the right ingredient. She seems to be trying her best to recall all the "V-Category" implements until one would click. He's hunched over the counter on a stool, looking more animal than civilized as he eyes the array of instants in the very shelf Talia was looking through.

"V-Valerian! That's it, I can't believe I forgot," Well she could, but that was beside the point. She pulled out the jar of unused Valerian Root, and pressed her lips into a thin line, "It's just the herb, so I'll have to brew it myself from scratch…" She murmurs as she starts pulling out other things to start working, like honey, a kettle, and so on.

"Do you know how to make tea, Talia?" Shin asked with a raised brow as she fumbled with what she was carrying, trying to fill the pot with the right amount of water. And once it was on the stove she sent a smirk over her shoulder.

"I have lived with _you_ for a whole year now, and you _have_ to _ask_ if I know how to make tea?" Talia turns with a hand on her hip, while the other flicks Valerian into the already steaming kettle and Shin can only hold his hands up in surrender. She smiles, satisfied before turning back to her task.

She does, however; glance at him from the corner of her eyes as she hears him yawn and stretches out over the counter.

"You look more prepared to fall asleep out here than you did in your own bed, Shin," Talia chuckles, half-jokingly, not turning away from the kettle as she speaks and yet she can feel his eyes on her anyways.

"Perhaps I simply feel more at ease when I am talking to you." Shin lets himself say out loud in his sleepiness, and Talia's breath catches for a beat of a second.

"Is that so?" She asks with an amused lilt of her tongue, and Shin can feel his cheeks burning now at the smug sideways glance she sends him over her shoulder, stunning him into silence. Deciding against playing it safe, Shin takes a risk hoping to have played his cards right by standing by his confession. Something about Talia brings out a more daring side of him.

"I suppose you just do that to me." Shin laughs softly, and Talia mirrors it with her own lighthearted hum of approval.

"Interesting…" Talia almost teasingly sings as she pours the tea into a cup he's never seen him use before, the one with the painted roses and shallow crack in the side. And as she turns with it sitting on a saucer, _he notices._ "Now drink up sleepyhead, you've got work tomorrow."

Shin is almost awake enough to actually start laughing because she sounds so… domestic… _natural_. He graciously accepts the tea as she sides it over to him, and turns back around to switch off the burner. The smell is absolutely divine, intoxicating as it fills his nose. He's never had Valerian in his tea before, but he was eager to find out what it tasted like.

Shin lifts the rim of the cup to his lips and sips at the unfamiliar liquid, when he pulls away he has a thoughtful expression like he was pondering the taste. It was woodsy, earthy, almost too bitter for his tastes, but it wasn't awful. A few more sips and he was adjusting to the harshness of it. Eventually, Talia joins him on the stool beside him, just observing the tea's effects on him. They don't seem to be showing much of an impact, yet.

She's unsure of how potent the sample she used was, but she was very aware of what even a small component was capable of.

"You should try this," Shin offers his cup to her and she stares with a quirked brow, pushing the porcelain away with the palm of her hand. The shin-jin next to her pouts slightly and pushes it back.

"I'm not the one sleeping tonight, Shin." Talia reminds him, turning her head away from the beverage.

"Oh, come on, you made _me_ drink it, it's only fair." Talia's skeptical smirk only widens, she was positive she did not _make him drink it_ but decided to humor him just this once. Sighing defeatedly, she takes the cup and raises it to her lips to sip at its bittersweet contents. Her eye twitches slightly at the harshness of pine on her tongue, but otherwise makes no outside reaction to it.

That was, at least, until she started convulsing, her eyes wide with shock as they crackle and spark with purple and blue static. She gasps as the kitchen falls away around her and she's forcefully drawn into a flash, she just barely hears Shin call her name as she loses consciousness of this world.

. . .

The next thing she knows, she's sitting at a table, across from an irritated-looking Eden. The teal-haired wonder crosses his arms and sticks his nose up into the air with a grunt.

"No," Is the only word that follows, it's defiant and stubborn. Talia can feel the bubbling frustration she had felt during this particular event, and her past self mirrors Eden's pose, arms crossed and eyes staring him down with what must be a threatening look because the boy across from her actually starts to sweat. "I am _not_ , drinking _that_."

"It's not _that_ bad," Talia hears herself insist, before she pushes the cup of tea closer to Eden, his striking magenta eyes flaring up at the challenge. She tries to reason a second time, being gentler this time in her approach. "It'll help you sleep."

"I don't care, it's not happening, I don't need your weird..." Eden waved his hand in the air, searching for a word that fit. "... _drugged tea_ to sleep!" Eden argues defensively, emphasizing his point by shoving the cup of Valerian Tea back over to her end of the table.

"It's not drugged, valerian is a natural herb, just drink the stupid tea!" Past Talia stands up and shoves the porcelain cup back to his end, before sitting down once more. Eden is giving her a death glare rivaled only by her own as she stares him down. " _Please_ , Eden, for _me_."

Upon hearing her pleading voice, the weakness in its tone and the softness of her eyes as they stare at him worriedly, his whole demeanor changes. He suddenly looks less hostile, guilty even as he wavers under her caring gaze. He closes his eyes with a deep sigh, uncrossing his arms and laying his palms flat on the table's surface.

"Fine, fine… but _only_ because _you want me to_ , not because I _need_ to," Eden declares as he eyes the beverage before him, he sighs once more and takes the cup between his hands, and when she thinks he'll actually drink, he pushes it over to her again. "...and you have to drink it first."

Both Talias roll their eyes at his childishness, but begrudgingly bring the rim of the porcelain cup to her lips to sip, with Eden leaning forward to ensure she's actually drinking it. What? Did he think she was going to poison him? If she'd wanted to kill him, she'd not do it like this.

Eden, finally satisfied with her correspondence, tips the cup to his own lips and drinks down half of the cup before almost gagging and spitting it out. He swallows what he's already taken in, but he slams the cup back down onto the coaster, looking very offended.

"This is absolutely dreadful!"

"I never said it was going to taste _good_ , quit being a drama queen already."

. . .

Talia gasps for breath as the scene breaks and she's thrown back into the real world, hunched over the counter with a panicking Shin hovering over her. He closes his eyes with a deep sigh of relief as she sits up properly, one hand over his racing heart as it struggles to calm.

"Another one?"

She nods, still a bit dazed.

Once she comes back around, she looks down at the cup she had just drunk from. It was all sorts of nerve-wracking when literally anything could send her into a flashback, but this… no, not now. She could think about it later, getting Shin to rest was time-sensitive, she should focus on that.

"There, now finish up, so we can get you back in bed." Respecting her desire to process her flash before talking to him about it, Shin rolls his lazy eyes and complies, finishing the serving within the next minute and a half. He appears composed, but Talia can see him starting to lag. She stands and offers a hand to her friend, whom mindlessly takes it and lets her lead him back to his study. "C' mon, _Your Drowsiness_."

The Supreme Kai slides back into bed without further complaints but is shocked almost right out from under the covers when Talia crawls onto the other side of the bed, reclining on top of the covers and against the headboard. She looks as nervous as he feels, and he tries to shake off the shock of it all—being so close—and not stare too much. As their eyes meet, Shin can almost feel the anxiety in her own chest, or was it his? He couldn't really tell at this point.

"You said you were at ease when we talk, so… I thought that m-maybe, we could talk… until you're ready to sleep?"

And so, they did.

. . .

That one time is all it took to start a chain of nights like those, it almost becomes a necessary component in their routine, a ritual if you will. And it becomes less of Shin needing her presence to feel safe enough to sleep, and more so that he just wants her there with him. It gets to the point where Talia's quarters are hardly seeing use. There's almost not a moment they aren't spending together. The excuses of "research", or "work" starts to become less and less relevant. They don't need to be around one another, they just want to.

This doesn't, however; mean that all is well for Talia's flashes have only become more frequent, more lucid, and some even more terrifying… and she is beginning to fear that she might not be able to tell Shin about her recent findings, regardless if she promised to or not…

 _But what he doesn't know can't hurt him, right?_

. . .

 _ **A/n: You know I had to do it to 'em—**_

 _ **Even though this is more of an… "in-between" chapter, I'm pretty happy with it.**_

 _ **Ya'll ready for things to go to shit in the next chapter? cus I am!**_

 _ **Also, I have a DeviantART under the username "Orimou" and I have drawn most if not all characters (including Shin) there, so if you wanna better picture of my original characters you know where to look!**_


	12. Chapter 12 (Until)

_Cingulomania-_

 _A strong desire to hold someone in your arms._

 _. . ._

 _What he doesn't know can't hurt him, it's fine, this is fine._ Talia tells herself as she stares at the wall of her bedroom, her knees pulled up to her chest as she sits against the side of her bed. It feels like it's been forever since she's been in here, and in a way it has, she really only uses it to shower and change. It's been a good while since she's been alone. She barely processes the fact that she's shaking, and she's kept her eyes open too long without blinking. Normally, the tears only came during her flashes, but…

Talia feels a chilling shiver shudder as it shakes her to the very bone. She squeezes her eyes shut, the tears finally coming to the surface, even though she fights to keep them in. She chokes on a sob, the noise squeezing through her lips strangled, and violent. Every breathing technique, anti-panic method, and comfort that might've worked before are lost on her now. She hasn't cried like this before… before it was solely due to the sheer agony some of her flashes left her in, the pain too vast and too heavy for her to not cry. But this wasn't about physical pain anymore.

She was just shocked, she's fine, this is fine.

But this was no side-effect inexplicable mood-drop she could have received from a flash. This was real. She wished it wasn't, but it is, and she can't keep the ocean of guilt in much longer. Scrambling to grab a pillow from her bed without moving much, she grasps the plush object with a white-knuckled grip and yanked it towards herself. She squeezed it between her stomach and her bent knees burying her face into it to muffle the evidence of her embarrassing break down.

A mistake.

She's sucked into another flash almost simultaneously as her face meets the pillow's surface and her tears just started to dampen the fabric.

. . .

Her whole body shakes as she hears the scenes play around her, not daring to watch, keeping herself in darkness although it does little to dull down the flash's intensity. Involuntarily, her gaze rips from the pillow and she's forced to look upon the unsettlingly pleased faces of Pogo and Eden. The smile that forces itself onto her lips in the memory is sickening.

But suddenly, they don't matter, because a tall shadow falls over her form. There's someone else there.

A being of great height and straight posture, skinny in stature peers down at her. And the way their head cocks to the side in her direction is… it's… her past self sees it as approval, and a gentle pride resides in her chest. But present Talia is beyond unsettled by the sight.

The figure has a pale greenish-gray, angular face, the bottom half of their face obscured by bandages. But their owlish, vermillion gaze has enough expression in it to make up for their concealed lower features.

They wear a long white coat, with silver buttons cresting down their chest, and she can just make out blackish-grey feathers peeking out from where the neckline of their strange attire ends. Sleek black gloves that reach up to their elbows wrap around long-bony fingers that curl in her direction, beckoning, tempting. They're wearing some sort of head-dress that makes it appear they have horns, shielding whatever hair they may have from view, only making their eyes stand out even more in the dim, purple light.

They look like a doctor, and not a friendly one, the kind you see in horror stories that go on long monologues about how they cut you into pieces of flesh and bone. _Who are they?_

"Talia, you did well today, I'll see to it that you are to be a student of mine if you'll have me." The only redeeming quality Talia sees in her past self in this event is the way she looks back to Pogo and Eden, a conflicted look that they mirror in earnest.

The authoritarian doctor-Esque figure cocks their head to the side to peer at the pair behind her, and they hum with an amused tone of voice, clearly realizing the situation.

"You may bring your… _pets_ , too." Talia seethes protectively at the very word in an unfamiliar flurry of protectiveness she didn't even remember having. Her friends make incredibly offended noises at the passive-aggressive insult, and Talia can feel her past self torn between them. A similar spike of anger flares in old Talia's chest and she takes a step back from the crooked doctor.

"They are not my _pets_ , Doctor Acrid, they are my _friends_ , and I will not go anywhere where they are not treated as such." Talia can feel how terrified and furious she was in this moment, and she can't help but share her past self's sentiment talking to a person like that. This Doctor was horrifying in the subtlest of ways.

In the corner of her eye, she can see a very disturbed Eden make a move in her direction as if to run to her defense if things escalated, but he is clotheslined by Pogo.

"Oho, Such boldness, I expected less of you." They laugh, "You'll fit in just nicely with my other pupils," Doctor Acrid seems to completely dodge the fact that Talia generally just said 'No' unless her friends could join her. That is until they turn their attention to an almost entertainingly furious Eden and a tense, glaring Pogo. "And I risk no chance of losing a good study, your friends will… suffice, with _proper_ _conditioning_."

With that, the doctor strides off towards a structure in the distance that Talia can't quite make out.

Finally, the giant of a clown releases Eden from his hold and the yellow-fleshed boy almost smothers Talia in a crushing embrace. He's laughing though, as he manhandles her around in his excitement. Pogo doesn't miss out on the celebration and takes both smaller beings into a bear hug.

"Thought they were going to kill you and then cut you into pieces after you said that!" Eden exclaims, and Talia can't tell if he's still panicking, fearful, or happy. He looks like a delirious mixture of all three. "And now we're gonna be learning from _the_ Doctor Acrid?!"

Pogo is easily the most composed of the three of them, odd, considering he's the one in a clown suit. But then again, in all of the flashes Talia's had of him, he really hasn't struck her as a 'give-your-kid-a-doggie-balloon-animal' type guy anyway. She guesses he was one of those gritty clowns depicted as run-down smoke-shop owners or creepy next-door neighbors in fiction. And that paired with the flamboyant, emotional, and honestly, quite a strong personality that Eden has seems to fit oddly well with the softer, more curious one she still shares with her past self.

Talia wants to believe that this memory is happy, and maybe it was, years ago when she was young and stupid. How in the world can she be happy knowing that she had just done, it seems like she truly does not know who she used to be at all, and she doesn't want to remember, not anymore.

. . .

She can feel the tears rolling again, and even as she is tossed from the scene and back into her room, it still feels like she's there.

That was also the fourth flash in a row she's experienced in the past thirty minutes, it by far the most she's ever had in quick succession, and the worst kind to be thrown into as well. She was afraid is she had another… she'd have a seizure. She's only had one once, and that was months ago, but… she never wants to go through that ever again.

She was full-on sobbing now, not caring at the moment if anyone heard. It didn't matter if Shin rushed in or not, she wouldn't tell him what she just saw, she _couldn't._ He'd hate her. Her desperate side tries to battle for dominance, insisting that Shin was forgiving, he'd forgive her, and perhaps maybe if it were different, she could believe he would.

But how could Shin ever forgive her knowing that she was a _murderer?_

. . .

What he doesn't know can't hurt him, _until he finds out._

Shin eyes an uncharacteristically quiet Talia from across the counter, just observing. Something's changed in her since he last saw her, and no matter how long he stared, he can't for the life of him think of what.

Talia hides it well, as he would expect her to if she truly wanted to keep something from reaching the naked eye. But his knowledge of his dearest friend was nothing short of a clear advantage, he doubts she knows it, but she's giving off a lot of esoteric energy, just by being so short of words. Her sudden secrecy and demand for solitude could only mean that she's seen something she didn't like and learned something she does not want to tell him.

Shin fears that this could cause a rift between them, and right now that could send them both into an unwanted relapse of old habits. A very unconventional risk. But is he willing to take it?

"Talia," His voice cuts clear through the tension in the air of the kitchen—a place they always seem to end up sometime during the day—and yet it barely registers with the girl across from him. For a frightening moment he fears she's in a flash, she eventually looks up from her untouched cup of tea, but with a disjointed look that he can't quite put his finger on. The best way to describe her eyes is dead, blank, unreadable… "Talia, I'm worried about you."

She's half-tempted to tell him 'don't be', but instead she asks a familiar question, something she'll probably regret. One she's asked him before in a situation, not unlike this one, and despite how horribly it went last time it doesn't stop her from asking it again.

"Why?" Shin's brow knit together at the sheer indifference of the phrase; like it holds no true meaning and yet hits him just as hard.

"You haven't uttered much more than a few words since this morning," Shin also waves his hand at the full cup of her favorite tea. "And you haven't eaten, or had anything to drink since either."

Talia frowns and brings the room-temperature liquid to her lips and tips half of it down her throat, although it's just barely warm, it still tastes fantastic. Even though the Kai across from her is somewhat relieved to see her consuming something, his concern only deepens as she brushes aside his comments. He's even more unsettled when she forces a smile onto her lips, one that doesn't reach her eyes. While Talia's smiles have been genuine as of late, this one reminds him that she is still quite the Eccedentesiast she had been when they first met.

"Are you alright?" Shin almost pleas, and she almost—almost—caves. But instead...

Talia nods, her lips forming the word 'yes', although it didn't reach far from her throat enough to make a sound.

"Are you lying to me?" The dark-eyed Kai asks, a subtle, but dangerous undertone lilting his voice that momentarily stuns her into silence. The long pause in between breathes it takes for her to nod again tells him all he needs to know.

"Do you know that your eyes change when you're being insincere?"

Talia is thrown off by the question entirely, unsure if she can even respond to something like that. Should she even? She'd known deep down that Shin wouldn't be fooled by her facades anymore, but it doesn't quell the wave of mild panic she feels now after being put on the spot. Her thoughts are frenzied and impossible for Shin to read until they go dead silent.

"I… I don't know what you're… what do you want me to say?" Talia sighs defeatedly, placing her cup down on the saucer and folding her hands together in her lap as her shoulders roll her back into a straighter posture. Whatever vulnerability she'd been showing previously is replaced by a thick wall of self-isolation, she's blocking him out of her mind.

"The truth, that's all I've ever asked of you—" Shin starts, but Talia cuts him off before he can elaborate.

"But what if the truth isn't something you want to hear, Shin?" The question is forceful, defensive, demanding some sort of explanation that neither of them has.

An atrabilious silence pervades the room, and it is by no means comfortable as it normally is between them.

"How much do you trust me?" Talia asks, plainly and bluntly. And it is not something Shin has to think about.

"Immensely."

Talia closes her eyes upon hearing his answer, she was afraid of that.

"Enough to still want to be around me knowing that you know just as little about myself as I do?" Her hands are shaking in her lap, her blunt nails digging into the flesh of her thighs hard enough to leave crescent-shaped marks on her skin beneath her clothing. "Would you still trust me if you knew that I could've done terrible things in my past?"

"Talia…" She doesn't let him finish, hardly even listening to anything he might have to say in her tristful, delicate state of unrest.

"Can you still t-trust me knowing that I-I could—" Talia chokes out a sob as the tears start pouring down her cheeks like a fountain of regret, she buries her face into her hands as she feels the sobs start to shake her whole body. "That I—"

Shin has felt a lot of things since meeting Talia, things he still doesn't understand, things he never believed he spent his life without experiencing but _never_ has he ever been so overcome with such a strong desire to hold someone in his arms. He has always been reserved, and shy about any sort of affection before meeting this girl, and yet he's never wanted to leap across a counter and squeeze the life out of someone quite as he does now.

Still, he restrains himself, for another miserable, agonizing moment.

"Talia, I do not think it is _me_ who is struggling to trust you." And Talia almost stops breathing, because she's struck with the realization that he's right. It isn't him that she doesn't trust, it isn't him that doesn't trust her. She doesn't trust _herself._ And that's when she just crumples before him, every inhibition, defense mechanism, or facade come crashing down with her as she doubles over the counter and just, cries.

That's when it becomes too much for him, and he hops off the stool and stumbles to her side to pull her into his arms. It takes a long while to calm her down, he's rubbing soothing circles onto her back with one hand and has the other curled tightly around her closed fist. Shin mumbles gentle words of comfort every now and then, anything she may need to hear tumbles from his lips.

Once the crying, and sobs have died down to only hiccups and brief sniffles as her breathing starts to even out from short gasps, he turns the stool's seat so she is facing him. He stands before her and takes her hands into his own, the familiar contact only further easing Talia into a negotiable state that he can work with.

"Do you want to know the one big difference between us, Talia?" Shin asks gently, trying to sound as un-threatening as possible and not pull the wrong strings if he can help it. She sniffles once more, wiping the tears from her reddened face with the back of her hand as she leans back to lean against the edge of the counter.

"What?" She replies, and he doesn't miss her gentle curiosity as it returns to her voice.

"I know how I feel," She peers at him through thick lavender lashes as he speaks, looking lost, but eager for him to continue his thought. "I know that I trust you. It doesn't matter to me who you _used_ to be, I trust who you are _now._ I trust the Kai that breaks my routine, the one that makes sure I'm getting sleep and beats some sense into me when I don't."

She's giggling at this point and the Kaioshin can't help but smile, her laugh as always been contagious. But he's not done yet.

"I trust the Talia that listens to my troubles and has entrusted me with her own, the one that I get to call my dearest friend every single day." Shin sighs contentedly at the thought, looking up at the gleaming blue eyes he's come to admire so much and is delighted when they shine back on him with the same sentiment.

The only question is, _can you?"_

Talia wipes more stray tears as they slide from her adoring eyes, and finally nods, coming to terms with her problems instead of avoiding them is essential to her growth.

"I-I can learn." She lurches forward to throw her arms around him in a snug hug that brings a warm blush to the smaller shin-jin's face as he returns it, leaning further into her embrace.

They jerk apart when a gravelly voice breaks the silence as the owner clears their throat.

 _Kibito._

In their haze of emotional contentment neither had sensed the attendant's entry into the room, and they step away to put space between them as Kibito's serious eyes wander to his master.

"Master, _we have a... situation_."

. . .

 _ **A/n: You didn't think that would be the whole shit-storm did you?**_

 _ **My thirst for angst and disarray has not yet been satisfied!**_

 _ **What do you guys think Kibito is talking about?**_

 _ **Anyways, I'm afraid it might take me a couple of days to get the next chapter out, but I'll be working on it as much as I can, I promise. Thank you for all your kind reviews, they really make my day.**_


	13. Chapter 13 (Message Man)

_Sciamachy-_

 _A battle against imaginary enemies; fighting your shadow._

. . .

Shin and Talia share a look as they process the news, nodding to one another in a silent agreement to 'talk later.'

The three Kais file out of the kitchen and find themselves exiting the estate not a moment later to confront their more concerning issue. Shifting around on nimble, restless feet is a peculiar-looking man hanging around one of the planet's bunch of tea tables. Immediately, Talia unsurprisingly concludes that she doesn't recognize him.

He certainly doesn't look like a 'Lord Beerus' or the destruction god's alleged angel attendant—whom Shin insisted her not to meet unless absolutely necessary—but whoever he is, Shin must know him quite well because he walks straight up to them, smiling fondly as he greets him.

"Linh! I'd say It's a pleasure to see you again so soon but I fear the circumstances may change my mind." Shin quips lightheartedly, the uneasy quirk in his voice proof of his claim. Linh only offers a sympathetic half-smile in return.

Kibito and Talia hang back a few paces to allow the two to talk, and now that Talia is close enough to take in the stranger's appearance, she does just that.

Linh appears to be of an unfamiliar race with pale green skin, small and slanted, black eyes with a short, slicked-back and similarly black mohawk. He's wearing a baggy brown-leather pilot's jacket that seems huge over top of the skin-tight space suit he wears underneath. He's also got short, pointed ears only slightly more upturned than that of a Kai.

"I do wish I had come for _anything_ else, but The Circle's got me running messenger rounds so often now that it's almost become a habit to deliver such ill news, I suppose," Linh laughs nervously with a roll of his narrow shoulders.

As if just now realizing himself, he steps forward and nods his head in a polite greeting to Kibito before his piercing eyes descend upon Talia's own. His eyes widen a fraction of a second, and for one fleeting moment, she fears he may yet be another mysterious being from her past that she doesn't remember, but is relieved to see whatever familiarity she'd seen in Linh's gaze as it resides in her own is gone.

"Oh, excuse me, I don't believe we've properly met," The green man says with a charming smile as he skirts around Shin to offer her a hand, which she hesitantly takes under his charismatic gravitational pull and shakes it politely. "Ah, a light grip, you must be as shy as ol' Shin over there!"

Talia's cheeks color under the friendly observations this messenger seems to be making of her, and ones so accurate too.

"I—uh, w-well—I'm Talia, a pleasure to meet you, Mister Linh." Talia breaks off of her stuttering tangent and miraculously recovers smoothly into something legible, at least the best she could given her bashful state.

"Ah, I hear so little of you! I've been dying to meet you, but shorty over there seems to like keeping you hidden." Linh jokes, glancing over his shoulder at a baffled Supreme Kai as he takes in the scene before him.

Talia decides to play along.

"Y-Yeah, you're certainly right about that, Mister Linh, you think he'll ever let me out into the wild?" Talia finds herself jesting back with a startling amount of confidence; as if she was used to having conversations of this nature while never truly remembering having them at all. When she peers expectantly over at Shin who stands idly behind the messenger, he sheepishly avoids her eyes.

"I like you already, _ah_ —but I'm getting side-tracked, I came here to give you a personal message you're... not gonna like, Shin." Linh turns to the short Kai as he speaks and Shin nods, looking a lot more composed and serious than he previously did upon hearing Linh's reminder. The green-fleshed man's eyes darted to Talia, something wild in his eyes as they skim past hers. He rolled his shoulders uneasily. " _In private_ , of course."

With that Kibito turns on his heel to leave the scene willingly, only stopping to usher Talia along as she stands there a while longer before hesitantly following after the wiser Kai. Although she is unbearably curious—and a tad concerned given the context of this 'news'— _she knows her place_ , and that some conversations weren't meant for her ears.

She could ask Shin about it later, and she promises herself that she won't be disappointed if he refuses to tell her for the stunt she pulled today. A dull ache of regret that still lingered from their earlier conversation pulses in an agitated manner as her thoughts drift to it, but like with most of her troubles, she shoves it aside for another time.

. . .

The two men burst into the study—or rather _Shin_ burst into the study with a sputtering Linh in tow—and the tiny kai slams the door shut behind them as the messenger stumbles into the room. Shin looks nothing short of furious, closing in on the Cholerian with fighting eyes.

"Shin, I know it sounds bad but you have to understand—" Linh tried to reason with him, but the Kai was having none of it.

"Understand _what?_ That you are making blind accusations against a girl you've never met, with extensive memory loss? I have a lot of trust in The Choleric Circle's better judgment, but I can assure you Talia cannot have anything to do with this!"

"We _have_ met before, her with a blade pressed to my throat—and what do you mean 'memory loss'?" Linh defends, barely before stopping himself as he processes Shin's words.

Ignoring the first part of Linh's sentence, Shin continues to go on the defensive.

"Talia can barely remember anything before she wound up here, and when she does, she's in unimaginable pain. And who are you to say _you_ know who she is?" The anger and panic in Shin's voice only causes it to rise in volume.

"Look, I don't know how her memory was lost, but I do know what she did before it. She's not who you—or even _she_ —thinks she is!" Linh exclaims, eyes blazing with an anger Shin's never seen in the normally docile messenger. "She's killed hundreds of people— _my people_ —and The Circle demands her to face justice, is that so wrong of them?"

"What proof do you have of this?" Shin hisses, though quieter, weaker than the shouting he'd been doing before. Deep down, he can't stop thinking about what Talia told him earlier, about how she could have done terrible things in her past. Was… was this what she was talking about? Was he backing the wrong horse?

He's aware the Talia he knows _now_ would never have done those things, but is that truly enough to justify the fact that she committed such crimes at all?

"My word, Shin, what has she done to you?" Linh asks, with a mortified gape as he stares down at the Kai before him, clearly battling with his mind.

Shin steels his gaze, eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"What in the seven hells could she have possibly told you to make you trust her so much? She's a _murderer_ , and just because she doesn't remember it doesn't change that irrefutable _fact_." Linh's tone is dripping with venom, anger, desperation.

Shin closes his eyes, images of every meaningful moment he's shared with his dear friend flashing behind his lids in the breath of a second before he opens them again. There's no way… no way they were the same person, the Talia Linh depicts as being a cold-blooded killer clashes much too strongly with the one who has carried his weight, his happiness, and his heart all this time.

"Linh… _please_ … you don't… understand, she's not… _she's not…_ " Shin gasps for breath and clutched one hand over his heart as it seethes in his chest, "She can't possibly be what you say she is… s-she's different now, it's impossible!"

In his mind, he knows Linh is right, and he should be questioning her loyalty, her past. But his heart aches with the affection he's formed for her, it pleads with him to defend her, save her, protect her from this. His eyes close again, and he's brought back to the image of a smiling Talia, her arm outstretched, reaching for him.

He wants to take her hand, stand his ground against The Circle's accusations, promise her he'll fix this. Talia's face falls as he remains in place, an arm's length away from her reach, a sadness pools in her eyes and strikes him down with the betrayal he sees in them.

Her arm drops, limp at her side.

The next thing he feels is Linh's hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of it.

"Shin, I know you may trust her, and you believe that she truly is innocent… and I truly agree that she is different _now_ , but you cannot let your attachment to her as she is now to overrule your better judgment, and forget who she once was." Linh's mind is racing with thoughts of the reasons that only boil more conflict to the surface.

" _No."_ Shin's stern, almost robotic voice comes after a moment of silence. The Kai pushes Linh away from him and stands straighter, squaring his shoulders and shaking off the lingering feeling of regret as it fades.

"I beg your pard—"

"Talia will not be going anywhere. I think it is time for The Circle to be reminded of their place, and mine _above theirs._ Talia will be judged under no trial, or jury other than my own." Linh steps back, fearful as he listens to his friend speak. "I… am truly sorry to have to do this, Linh, you have always been a dear friend to me… but I need you to trust me when I say that if push comes to shove… and I find out that Talia is truly what you say she is, and she _still is_ under all of that, _I will handle it,_ myself."

Linh stares at the small deity before him, silent, and observing as he searches the Supreme Kai's black eyes. _Trust._ The green-fleshed man sighs deeply, defeatedly and steps forward, placing a hand over Shin's stiff shoulder. Linh searches for the words, the ones of anger, of the memories of his suffering they plead with him to argue.

"Okay. I trust you, but Shin, _be careful._ That woman has done awful things, and I don't trust her to not do similar things to survive. If she's changed, help her, but just know… I am counting on you to make the right choice, _we all are_."

Shin gazes up at the brave man before him, who has no doubt just put his own life, and career on the line by helping him. Linh has always been a man of noble honesty, and a believer in justice, and to push such instincts down into the belly of a sheep while a wolf roamed free must be tearing him apart. His fingers tremble as they squeeze tightly around Shin's shoulder, and the Kai can do nothing but sympathize with him.

"Thank you, for trusting me, I know how hard this must be for you. I have no idea of knowing what you've lost from the Talia you speak of."

Linh only smiles, weakly, not enough to be false, but still pained.

"Please, prove us wrong."

. . .

Talia tried to ignore the burning hunger for answers, but as she sits down in the living room with a similarly worried-looking Kibito, she can't help but pry just a little, even for _loose_ information.

"Kibito," The servant looks up at the smaller Kai in acknowledgment, it seems she's interrupted some rather conflicting thoughts and she almost apologizes and reels back in. "Who was that?"

He makes an amused grunt and crosses his arms as he slowly paces the room, almost so subtle that she doesn't notice. But she does, he's worried too.

" _That_ was our delivery man. I spoke of him before, the one from The Choleric Circle, not long ago." Talia seems to understand the connections now and nods sheepishly, she does remember that conversation. Vividly.

Every little thing her that mind could get its grubby little hands on it devoured and hoarded away into the deepest parts of her mind, guarding them, protecting them as if any moment they could be ripped away once more.

"He does, however, pose as a temporary messenger whenever The Circle or the Supreme Kai are too busy to arrange an in-person meeting."

"Huh, I suppose that explains one thing, but do you think the message he came to deliver today is from The Choleric Circle? What do you think he means by 'ill news?' " Talia inquires curiously, only partly to Kibito as her mind sifts through files of her memories. As if trying to piece together possible theories.

"As of now, it is none of our concern, and if the message is from The Circle, then we best stay out of it." Kibito waves off the conversation, like a dull flame, tossing it aside like unimportant pub-talk. "Let master handle it unless he asks it of us."

Talia would be lying if she said she wasn't even slightly frustrated with his answer, but she keeps her peace between her teeth, reminding herself that Kibito has known Shin almost two decades longer than she has and he most likely knows what he's talking about. Still didn't make the effort anymore painless, given it was in vain. What did it take to get any sort of information on what was going on around here?

Deep down, Talia just knows that she's desperate. She starves for any little thing that could fill in that huge hole inside that her severe amnesia-like condition has left within her, and being denied any sort of compensation is irritating.

Kibito must have sensed her unrest because she feels a large, red hand descend upon her drooping shoulder and she jerks her head up to see him standing over her.

"Do not worry too heavily on it, my master knows what he is doing." Talia nods at this, although her eyes drift back out the window just a little too far to the right to see the general area they'd left the other two to talk in. With that, Kibito leaves, where she doesn't know nor care.

An idea pops into her head and she's jumping off the couch just a moment later, and then rushing into Shin's study the next.

If nobody was going to tell her what she wanted to know, she'd look elsewhere for answers _on her own._

. . .

Talia stumbles upon Shin's study and is already prepared to march in and search the shelves for anything that could help her curiosity, but stops with her fingertips brushing against the doorknob when she hears shouting coming from the inside. She jerks her hand away from the glass knob as if it had been burned, and leaned in against the door, resting her pointed ear against the thick wood to listen.

. . .

As the conversation Shin between and Linh comes to an end, Talia is frozen against the door, eyes wide and horrified as she finally steps away from the wood. She's only caught the last half of the discussion—or shouting match rather—but she's heard more than enough. As the messenger and the Supreme Kai approach the door, Talia swivels on her heel and retreats to her room without another word.

As the two walked out into the hall, Linh just catches a glimpse of lavender turning the corner.

. . .

 _ **A/n: *panicked disaster noises***_

 _ **This story is literally back and forth angst I'm so sorry**_

 _ **I wanna quickly apologize for the wait for this chapter, I had to re-write it twice before I was satisfied with it.**_

 _ **And I also wanna leave you with a question: Would you protect someone you love even knowing they could have done something awful in their past?**_

 _ **Just curious.**_


	14. Chapter 14 (A Sickness of the Mind)

**Warnings: Some heavy stuff, mild blood, glitchy text.**

 _Oneirataxia-_

 _The inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality._

. . .

" _Oh, excuse me, I don't believe we've properly met,"_

" _She's a murderer, M̷͈̍̏͋͐̿́̕ṳ̷͇͕̭̠́̑͌́́r̸̛̪̬̦̎̊͑̎̃d̶̲̮̔̎̇̏͠è̶̼̫͉̃͑̀̎ͅr̷͈̖̈́̌͠e̷͎̳̦͆̎͊r̷̪̓͆̀̔͘ ...and just because she doesn't remember it doesn't change that irrefutable fact.._."

" _...overrule your better judgment, and forget who she once was."_

Talia clutches her head as it squeals in agony, each word ricocheting against the four walls around her and echoing in distorted disharmony with the others. Soon they were merging together into unintelligible murmurs.

" _...and I find out…"_

" _...I will handle it, myself."_

Her fingers clenched in her hair, tugging and squeezing the small lavender strands between the gaps between each knuckle as warning signs and alarm bells ring deafeningly in her ears until it feels like they're bleeding.

" _...that woman has done awful things…"_

" _awful things… a̶̲̥̼̦̋̑̍̕w̷̦̽̌̋̋͜f̴̬̖͙͒u̴͉̼̟̔̀l̸͈̋͆ ̴͇̂̒t̸͎̝͙̀̈̊̓h̷̩̓͐̚ỉ̴̘͈̓̕̚n̶͍͉̿͠g̶̝̳̏͗̀͝s̵̢̐̕… survive…"_

"St...Stop! Stop! Please—!" She feels the salt well up in her eyes and spill down the side of her face, though each drop is a glowing teal and indigo-purple as they stream down to her chin. She feels herself being sucked into another world, another consciousness as it devours her into its unwelcomed embrace. " _St…sss….stop…"_

Her legs give beneath her and she collapses to the wood floors, but she doesn't feel the impact as she falls. Her vision blurs and darkens with purple static and her brain activity goes dead, as she's transported.

. . .

""̵̧̝̞̹͓̥͎̔̈́̀̇̊̑̉ͅT̴̨̗̲̱̪́̊̄́̑̿̒̈̂͘a̵̡̦̝̪̝̠̭͒̒̇̓̈́̍͜͜͝ͅl̵̢̨̦̙͎͔̹̿̃̉͐̎̽͘͝ḯ̵̛̱̟̰̟̟͎͓̓͑͝ä̷͓̗́͋͒̿̅̐̈́.̸̛͔͒̈̈̌͑̑̚͝.̶̢̢̲̘̯̳͑͒̏̂̆͛͒͝ͅ.̷̡̡̢̺̫̮͈̟̦͚̓̄͊͂̂ ̴̺͗̈̀Ť̴̢̫͉̳̟̖̬̍͂a̸̢̹̰̩͉͔̿̐̆̈́͑̋̍l̴͈͙͔͉̹̄̓͂̈́̎̾̌́̄͘í̸̦̪͔͓̱̠̱͎̯͊̋̀̕͝ǎ̵͍̖̗̳͉͕̫̲͙͑̂.̵̨̪̩̪̲͇̆̌̇̔́̑͆.̶͈̣̤̗͕̯̓̔́.̷̢̪̰͖̜̝̈́̓̍̒͌̈́̌̏?̷̡̠̪̼͚͕̮̙͗̋͐̅"̶̫͖͔̂͋̓̓͘

Talia opens her eyes, but she can not see a thing beyond the heavy fog of blurriness as it descends across her fuzzy vision.

""̸̧̢̟͍̋̿Ţ̸̟̞̣̂̅̚̕a̴̼̫͍̙̓̇̓̚l̷̖̱̅̋͂̕i̵͇̘̥͙͌̂͒͠à̶̢̹̭̌̎̈͊ͅͅ!̵̜̲̤̻̤͊̈́ ̷̬̠͎̦̈́͑̒.̵͜͝.̸̹̃.̴̞͕̞͉͎̏ ̸̼̉́͘L̷͚̙̮̦͐̔̅ĭ̵̙̲̤̳̎̋̽͆ą̸͈͂̀̋̈́͠.̵̢̢̧̯̙̈́͗̀̈́͘.̸͚̤̅͠d̶̡͙͓̽̅o̷̩̱̻̎͝n̴̝̑'̷͍̪̌ͅţ̷̚͝ ̵̯̲͗̏ģ̷̙̇̒͒ö̵͕—̴͙̮̈̎̈ͅd̷̡̲̜̊o̷͎̍n̴̤͔̎̅'̸̧̮̤̇t̴͇̊̏.̷̲̃.̷͖͉̑.̴͔̰̈́̕͠ ̵̻͎̊͆l̴͍͈͗e̷̡̝̿a̵̦̘͕̿̔̾v̸̧̀̊͜e̴̢͑ ̴̝̂u̵̖̐s̴̼̬͕̉̓,̶͙͚̀ p̷͉̚l̷̠͌ĕ̶̫a̷̗̒s̵̗̔ȇ̷̙!̷͔̉…"

She can just barely make out the muffled mess of noises of a voice—many voices?—calling for someone, is it her name? Talia can decipher only a syllable or two of it, "—Ḽ̵̓i̶̩͑ḁ̶͗.̸͚͝.̵̪̒.̴̧̓, _Li_ — _a!"_

She shakes as she feels smoke enter her lungs and snap her into a sharp awareness, her head jerks up from where it had been previously lolling around and she's immediately met with two pairs eyes.

Huge lilac pools split between one dark line and small, magenta orbs with white pupils—

"Eden, Pogo…?" She hears herself rasp, and this time she can't tell if she had said it or her past self, both realities merged and overlapped one another to the point she couldn't differentiate the two, not anymore.

The exasperated clown hip-bumps Eden out of the way and plants both gloved hands on her shoulders, sliding up to cup her face and his large eyes examined her condition intently. His silk-clad fingers tilt her head from side to side, the pads of his thumbs skittering across her purple and yellow, but still pink, flesh. Pogo gasps, but it sounds distant, and she realizes a stream of blood had started pouring from her lips when she spoke.

Eden is talking, panicking behind them, a hysteric expression on his sharp features as he paces and holds his head. But she can't hear a thing he's uttering, and Pogo lightly smacks her cheek to regain her attention.

"You're sick ṡ̶̙̜͈̭́i̴̪̫͕̽̒͗͊ć̴͙̗͉̮̾k̶̮̤̤͛͒—ś̴̥̫̥͉̹̂̀͊͆̌̓̆̓ơ̷̜̔́̃͂͂̏ ̵̡̦̯͚̣̹̜͗͌́͑̐͠ş̶͕̬̳̳̹͉̬͈̂́̎́̀͋͊̔̔i̵̧̝̹̦̩̍̏̎͛̔͑̔c̵̢̤̘͖͎̥͐ķ̶̠̠̠̱̣̱͇́͊͊́̀̆͒̐̈ why didn't ya tell us?"

He sounds panicked, desperate, almost betrayed.

W̶̱̑̃ _̧͇̮͉̮͕̱͓͜h̸͈͒̓̚̕y̵̧̗̭̹͔̐̒͋̈́̿̈́̿̚ ̴̦̦̍d̶̻͈̺̬̙̄̊̑̇̄̔̚i̴͍̟̱̤̊̂̐d̵͓͇͕̲̖͋̆̚͜͝n̷̘̯͆́͒͛'̶̬̺̳͕͍̫̏̐̏͑t̶̖̰̑̇̕ ̴̨̝̲̼̻̺̭̞̪̈́̀̑y̶̨̟̲͔͉̗̤̝̘̼̾͝o̵͉͒̂̔͌̔̊̕͜͝͠͠ū̶̳͔͝ ̸̪̜͍̉̈̈͊̾͊̚͠s̴̾͒̐̋͊̂͑͒͆̕͜a̶̬̥̪̮̮̪̰̰͈̩͒̀̂y̵̡̨̰̲͚͔͊̐̇͂́͆_ —hey!"

Her head drops to her chest again and the carnie sputters something she doesn't understand, she's dizzy. _Dizzy again…_ "Talia!"

She gasps for breath and her hand closes around Pogo's trembling wrist, and he startles at the contact. He brushes his thumb across her cheekbone just below one of her eyes, his own staring down into hers while not really looking at _her._

"Lia… your eyes," He starts, slack-jawed and horrified as he managed to force the words from his throat. Like always, every single time he speaks, it sounds painful, hoarse. Talia wouldn't be so surprised if he randomly started coughing up blood too—what? Coughing up bl—she realizes that she's broken off into a fit of gurgles and chokes. As her head tips into the harsh, cold cough, her dizzy eyes catch a piece of her reflection on a broken shard of glass scattered across the ground.

Her scleras are rimmed with a deep, blood-shot red and her blue eyes look almost black, with a fluctuating sphere of purple sitting in the center of the pool of darkness.

Pogo turns her head back to face him and Talia can vividly feel how surprised she was to see him so undone then, looking as if he could shatter to the floor like glass and leave her only with her sickly reflection and a shaky Eden.

"Pogo…" His eyes shoot up to meet hers as soon as he hears her utter his name. "Am… a-am I going—"

The clown cuts her off immediately, hands gripping her waist and hoisting her off the cold stone of the floor and into his thick arms, one tucked under her knees and the other around her back to support her weight.

"—going to be fixed? _Yes_ , w̶͎̣̺͈̾̈́͆͘͝e̵̳̬̟̳͠'̵̮̔̈́l̵̲̒̃̀̅l̷̖̙̼̈̇̍ ̵̛̞̫͕͒̋͆̓ͅͅf̵̙͗̍̍̅̕i̶͔͒͋̽͌́͜x̵̨̞̗̖͋̌̍̚ ̸̨̨͕̫̉̂͘̚͠y̴̧͚̖͂̀̂̎͂ó̷̻̝̩̠͖̄ụ̵̙̩̙̏̀̎̓ Eden, Let's go!" Pogo shouts over his shoulder, and the boy breaks out of his desiderium, following after his larger friend as he finds him already leaving.

"Don't worry, j̵̛͚̘̭̫̤̀͊͗̀̑̊͂̈͘͝ư̶̢̛̳̝̣͖̯͙͖̭͚̓͛̐̎̎͊̌͂͌̀͘s̸͉̭̥̺͓̠͙͙̣̪͂̑̇́̅̋͑̉͘ţ̷̛͕̻͚̾̒͋̓́̍̈́͋͘ ̶̥͙̻͈̝͎̲̫̹͈͇̭̫͗̐́̄̃̒̒̒̓̈͘ͅh̶͎̺̯̰̖̊̈̎̆̐̉͗͊̋͂̓̇͂̔͊à̷̢̡̭̦̦̟̭̻̘͋̍̏̽͊́̄̈́́̓͆̊͠n̵̡̡̡̡̻̰̣̞͍̳͖͐̊̽͐͛͝g̵̱̖̪̰̻͈͖̃̓ ̵̢̨͙̬͖̠̖̺͈̌̀̌͛͠ǐ̸͙̩͖̬̫̰̯͔̥͓̬n̴̨̹̦̼̤͎̜̏͋̒̅̽͘ ̴͔͈̈͘t̶̛̙̤͕̖͍̠̲͂̌̒̌́̍̊̽̉͘͝ͅh̷̳̍̂è̵̮̙̠̭̙̝̥̞͗͌̋̆r̶̘͚̭̥̩͓͕̰̘͕̬̫̦̎̾̊̔̔͊͐ë̵̳̘̭͎̠́̊̈́̊͒́͋͐͋͂̃͜,̶̘̭̣̠̘͛͜ ̶̡̧̛̙̤̩̟̞̟̰̼͕̜̥͍͒̂͊̆̐̉͋͑̇̕͝Ĺ̶̢̞̮̫̠̮̭̬̦̀̒̕̚ḯ̴̧̱̳͇̤͓̝̞͚͔͈͙̞͇̀̾̈͌͊̚͜͝a̸̡̨̼̙̩̪̗̦͔̖̞͎͔͍̖͊̊̐̾̽͋̽̆͠͠,̴̠͎̗͖̦̬͓͉̓̎ ̴̛̪̦̙̯̭̲̓́͗̈̏̏̎̽͌̿̈̃͂͠ẁ̵̫͇̯̭͕̀̀͋̑̏̍̈̀̾̌̂͘͠é̴̢̠͙̳̲̬͓͙̪̩́͛͗͐ͅ'̶̛̱͎̟̠̩̙̲̯͉̼̞̐͆̔̇͌̚͠v̴̡̮͕̘̗͙̯̜̥͖́͜ȩ̴̡̛̲͚̱͔̦̘̝̬̫̣̀͂͑̔̒͂̊͊̏͆̕̚͝ͅ ̴̨͓̰̙͓̔̔̾̅̏̿́͗͠g̶̞̈́̈́̕̚ǫ̴̞̩̫̤͙̲̤̻͍͙͇̤̲͂́̿́̒̆̊̔̂͗͘͜͝͠ţ̶͈̫͓͙̅̆̎̉́̾͌̎͐̓̆̓͠͝͝ ̷̢̧̼̜͕̞͚͍͓̺̱̦̙̞̓͂̃͐͋̀̓͜y̵̧͍͍̲̙̯͔͓̟̥̙͋a̴͂̎̀̃̉̍̍̿̌̎̽ͅ stay a little longer… _please."_

. . .

Everything fades, and Talia lays on the textured wood floor of her room. A puddle of blood pools beneath her cheek against the floor and her half-lidded eyes peer blankly at the illuminated slot of light beneath the door.

Three crisp knocks upon the wood of the door would have made her jump if she hadn't felt so limp on the floorboards that doing so seemed impossible. She can't respond. The only thing she can do is stare at the shadows of someone's feet behind the door, and listen to another set of knocks as they echo lightly around the room.

Whoever was on the other side started to twist the handle, but it refused to turn much more than an inch. She'd locked the door behind her after she'd run in, and she can only let a weak smile twitch onto her pale lips as she hears Shin's defeated sigh, and then the shadows disappear.

Though her smile is stripped violently from her face as she tumbles into another flash, and realized that she's only begun another chain of them.

. . .

Shin stays out in the kitchen in hopes of catching Talia, but only ends up drinking a whole pot of tea by himself. He feels a surge of energy travel through the floors and shudder through his bones from the hallway and he shivers, gulping down a tad too much tea for him to swallow when he recognizes it as Talia's.

She's having a flash no doubt, and Shin mourns at the thought because he can't even bring himself to teleport to her. What _has_ she done to him?

What has Linh's news done to _them?_

. . .

Talia stumbles out onto the tiles of the kitchen suddenly, startling Shin out of his very skin in the process. The Supreme Kai gasps, a hand over his heart as he stares widely at a wobbly Talia who uses the counters and surfaces to support her as she almost trips through the kitchen. Shin stands up abruptly, almost knocking his teacup over the edge of the table as he does so, and when he steady's the porcelain again and looks up, she's already fishing out things from the cabinets.

Shin watches her in silence for a moment as she places a kettle of water over the stove to boil as she starts gathering familiar ingredients. He doesn't miss the jar of valerian in the slightest as she pops the lid off and continues preparing the tea.

The short Kai falls back into his seat, dumbfounded as he witnesses the girl pouring a cup of all-too-familiar smelling tea, turning around a bit steadier and more coordinated than she had been when she stumbled in and slides the cup across the counter to rest in front of him.

"We should make a routine of giving you this, at least until you grow used to sleeping somewhat regularly," Talia says, the casual tone of her voice matching the neutral expression she wears.

But under the dim stove light Shin can see the blotchy spots of red beneath her eyes and the unmistakable color of distress in her cheeks and nose. He can plainly see the crease between her brows and the slight bruising around her temples. And he swears he can just see the reminiscence of a crimson smear peaking out from the corner of her lips.

All the guilt, regret, and sinking feeling of self-blame come swirling back into the pit of his stomach, making it lurch and churn with the intensity of the drop. She was in pain, she was bruised, she had been crying, she was bleeding… _and he did not do anything._

And yet, here she was, passing him a cup of liquid sleep remedy, looking after him just as strongly as she had last night. And then there he was, changed by someone else's words, their concerns. So much so that he had avoided his own for his dearest friend in her time of need.

"I think you need this more than me—"

"I heard what he said," Talia interrupted, and Shin's mouth goes dry all of a sudden. It's as if he knows what she means and doesn't at the same time. "In the study, I was walking by and heard some things."

Shin looks paler than an angel's ghost. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words get caught in his throat and die before they can reach his tongue. In a blind attempt to get some sort of moisture in his mouth to speak, he tips the cup of tea she'd placed before him to sip at its contents. He cringes at the bitterness he's still not entirely gotten used to.

"I don't believe him," Comes Shin's reply, and the shock it envokes from the Kai in front of him spreads across her face in the expressiveness he'd missed. She mouths the word 'what' rather than actually speaking it. "He has to be wrong… I know you, and the monster he described to me, that was not you."

Talia's face falls to her feet once the initial shock wears off, and Shin leans over the counter, his hand outstretched and welcoming. In a selfish impulse of desperation, she places her palm over his own, though not quite holding it. His fingers instinctively curl around hers and the warm rush of relief that shoots up both of their wrists causes them both to shudder. It was always like this when they touched now. Neither could really explain it or dared to bring it up, but whatever connection they had allowed even an accidental brush of fingers feel like they could relax.

"I fear that it could have been me, once," Talia laments, her voice sullen and vulnerable. "Maybe in a time where I needed to be a monster to live among them."

"You and I both know that isn't the whole truth, even the Taia you used to be must have been even a little like you. There must have been a reason." Shin insists, the instinct to defend her even against her own doubts surprising them both. "I know you would not have killed anyone in cold blood unless there was a reasonable cause," Shin sighs, rubbing his temples before he continues.

"And while that does not make it justifiable, your memory loss has shown us both who you would have been if someone had not influenced you."

Talia's fingers flex under his own and curl similarly to hold his hand for firmly as he spoke, a mutual reassurance that this was alright. And as Shin observes her subtle reactions from across the counter, he's sure that she knows something more about this. He would have asked if she'd seen anyone in her flashes that could have possibly manipulated her into doing such atrocities, but once he sees that she most likely has he decided to be more upfront.

"I want to know what you saw in your flash earlier, Talia." Her eyes flitted up to meet his, and the first thing she realizes is that it wasn't a request, but a demand. But she doesn't find that she is afraid of that, of being honest, because this was Shin.

" _Which one?"_

She finds herself mindlessly asking, eyes flickering away from his to her lap for a split second before he draws them back into his own with a look of confusion. His eyebrows rise, and then the crease between his brows deepens, as well at as the grip his teeth has around the inside of his cheek.

"How… How many have you had today?" He asks, almost breathless because he hadn't been prepared to hear that she was experiencing more than once a day.

"Eight…" Shin's barely stifled gasp breaks through the silence as he clasps a hand over his mouth, eyes watering as he processes the grim news. _Eight._ She's had eight flashes today and he didn't even bother to help, too caught up in his own inner conflict to consider it important.

"Oh, gods, I'm awful..." Shin groans painfully into his hand as his burying his face in it, his fingers squeezing tightly around her own.

"No, you're not, Shin don't say that," Talia says, skirting around the counter to where he sat and taking a seat beside him at the counter. Shin turns in his seat to face her and takes both of her hands in his own, apologetic, guilty. _Unnecessary_ , she wants to tell him.

"I am… so, _so_ sorry, Talia. I should have been there, you… y-you shouldn't have had to be alone today, I'm so sorry." Talia can't help but smile, already feeling Deja-vu set in, it seemed whenever conversations of this nature come up either one or both of them is apologizing.

"Stop apologizing to me, it was not your fault," Talia whispers, fingers tracing small shapes over his knuckles, and he sighs, his thumb brushing over her red, bite-marked ones in turn. Now that he noticed them, they looked _raw_. Eight flashes… a lot of pain to endure. Talia notices his attention divert to her hands and she isn't having any of it. "No, you stop that, I'm fine now."

"Back to your flashes," He sighs and she nods, relieved by his compliance to move on from such trivial worries.

" _Back to my flashes."_ She agrees with a soft smile, her blue eyes staring affectionately into his own relaxing ones.

"What can you tell me about them, new additions, evidence towards… what Linh had suggested?" Asks, gentle in his approach as always, but firmer than he's ever bee when talking about serious things with her.

For a moment, Talia's mind shifts to the time she had brought him into her mind, and they experienced a flash together and Shin visibly startles at her thought process.

"No! We will _not_ be putting any more stress on your mental state today, perish the thought!" Shin demands, hands reaching up to rest on her shoulders. Talia almost laughs at his reaction, reminding herself to always keep her thoughts from going awry when she was around a mind-reader.

"Alright, alright, I give," She chuckles, raising her hands in dramatized surrender. The shin-jin before her relaxes again, though he's giving her a _look_ for sending him into a panic like that. And then Shin almost tips forward, only to be caught in Talia's arms before he could fall forward too much.

"Oh, _ah,_ I'm s-sorry, this tea really works wonders does it not?" Shin laughs sheepishly, a light blush coloring his cheeks upon realizing just how close to her he is. She's so close. He shivers as he feels the slightest brush of her breath against his pointed ear, and it twitches under the feeling. Once he realizes that he's been laying on her not even trying to move, he reels back—a tad _too quickly_ for his lagging body to handle—and nearly topples backward before Talia catches him by the arms and re-steadies him on the stool.

He gives her a grateful—and incredibly embarrassed—look as he regains some of his composure, only to yawn a moment later.

"Why don't we talk in bed again? That way if you fall asleep we can just continue in the morning." Talia offers, a soft, adoring smile gracing her features and Shin knows he can't decline. Why would he?

He was a weak, weak, Kai whose experienced very little affection in his long life. And she was the only person he's ever felt this comfortable with, only a fool would refuse. Or perhaps it's foolish of him to give in, but he's weak remember?

"I've never been good at denying you, my friend…"

Talia only chuckles, and yet another important discussion risks being postponed for the sake of rest, and this little, unspoken thing…

. . .

 _ **A/n: I can feel the slow burn I have been suffering through starting to pay off… almost, I'm tired of this friend zone, it must perish.**_

 _ **Also, this chapter is almost 3k words the fuck?**_

 _ **I'm honestly just hoping my glitchy text shows up. (Oh, and I apologize if it's hard to read some sentences below the glitchy stuff)**_


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